I was listening to music today and stumbled across a couple sentences that truly summarize and embody who I am. It is my credo, if you will:
"I rip it hardcore like porno-flick bitches. I roll with groups of ghetto bastards with biscuits."
29.11.06
Dranx #1 and #2
I found a bottle of Kahlua buried in my things today. It made me think of this particularly awful drink I once had. My top 5 worst drinks of all time, in no particular order (I may order them later):
1. "The Kahlua Sour" - Date: circa 2003 Location: College
Pop quiz, hotshot. It's a Friday night, you're staying in, and all you have is a bottle of Kahlua. What do you do? What. do. you. do? Well, if you're like me you fire up the ole intarweb and google "kahlua mixed drinks." The only one that I could find that included the materials readily available to me was a "kahlua sour." Maybe I should've realized this at the time, but Kahlua, sugar, and lemon juice is a less-than-stellar combination. It's odd, when you combine these substances it forms a syrup-like fluid. Needless to say it was awful. It was like drinking motor oil mixed with lemonade mixed with Aunt Jemima. Sadly, I did not come even close to finishing this drink.
2. "World's Largest Tequila Shot" - Date: circa 2001 Location: PittsburghAs a preface, the reasoning behind this drink is irrational and inexplicable for the most part. In fact, I am going to spin this story as much as I can to make my actions seem somewhat reasonable. But I assure you, they weren't.
So anyhow, this drink takes place in high school and I was not a very experienced drinker. The place was a house party with a bunch of my high school friends. Back then, I wasn't much of a beer drinker (that taste I had to acquire) so I was looking around for some other kind of alcohol to quench my thirst. Some of the girls were making margaritas and I decided to roll over there with my trusty empty Solo cup in hand. I, being a self-respecting Man, couldn't drink the feminine to semi-feminine Margarita. I tell one of the ladies, "dump some of that tequila in my cup." To this day I still remember her response: "Just straight tequila? You're crazy." Yeah, crazy like an (alcoholic) fox. The cup was filled by no less than 3 inches of this tequila. Think for a minute how much tequila that is. And this was no Petron Silver. This was "we're highschoolers with no money, don't know anything about liquor, and we're gonna mix it to hell anyhow" tequila. What did I use as a chaser? Air, testosterone, and willpower, my friend. With a drink this serious, you can't just roll around and mingle as you would with any other drink. You have to concentrate and focus. Therefore, I sat down in the living room with the lights on and just slugged it while keeping my game face on.The aftermath was not pretty. For some reason I wasn't terribly drunk, but it gave me awful stomach cramps. And I mean awful. I was on a recliner in a fetal position for at least an hour. That's the price you pay for being hardcore (and a dumbass).
Numbers 3-5 will come at a later date. Stay tuned, Nation.
1. "The Kahlua Sour" - Date: circa 2003 Location: College
Pop quiz, hotshot. It's a Friday night, you're staying in, and all you have is a bottle of Kahlua. What do you do? What. do. you. do? Well, if you're like me you fire up the ole intarweb and google "kahlua mixed drinks." The only one that I could find that included the materials readily available to me was a "kahlua sour." Maybe I should've realized this at the time, but Kahlua, sugar, and lemon juice is a less-than-stellar combination. It's odd, when you combine these substances it forms a syrup-like fluid. Needless to say it was awful. It was like drinking motor oil mixed with lemonade mixed with Aunt Jemima. Sadly, I did not come even close to finishing this drink.
2. "World's Largest Tequila Shot" - Date: circa 2001 Location: PittsburghAs a preface, the reasoning behind this drink is irrational and inexplicable for the most part. In fact, I am going to spin this story as much as I can to make my actions seem somewhat reasonable. But I assure you, they weren't.
So anyhow, this drink takes place in high school and I was not a very experienced drinker. The place was a house party with a bunch of my high school friends. Back then, I wasn't much of a beer drinker (that taste I had to acquire) so I was looking around for some other kind of alcohol to quench my thirst. Some of the girls were making margaritas and I decided to roll over there with my trusty empty Solo cup in hand. I, being a self-respecting Man, couldn't drink the feminine to semi-feminine Margarita. I tell one of the ladies, "dump some of that tequila in my cup." To this day I still remember her response: "Just straight tequila? You're crazy." Yeah, crazy like an (alcoholic) fox. The cup was filled by no less than 3 inches of this tequila. Think for a minute how much tequila that is. And this was no Petron Silver. This was "we're highschoolers with no money, don't know anything about liquor, and we're gonna mix it to hell anyhow" tequila. What did I use as a chaser? Air, testosterone, and willpower, my friend. With a drink this serious, you can't just roll around and mingle as you would with any other drink. You have to concentrate and focus. Therefore, I sat down in the living room with the lights on and just slugged it while keeping my game face on.The aftermath was not pretty. For some reason I wasn't terribly drunk, but it gave me awful stomach cramps. And I mean awful. I was on a recliner in a fetal position for at least an hour. That's the price you pay for being hardcore (and a dumbass).
Numbers 3-5 will come at a later date. Stay tuned, Nation.
28.11.06
Space Wastin'
So I decided to reward myself for not being sick over the last 5 or so months by taking a fake sick day. (Karma, please refrain from being a bitch. Word on the street is that you can be one.) I just needed a day to relax and get some ish done. Also, it gave me a chance to gain perspective on my life and lay out a plan.
Step 1: Get the money
Step 2: Get the power
Step 3: Buy the complete series of "Salute Your Shorts" on DVD
In all seriousness, I just needed a day from the shitshow that has been my life. With moving in, trips to home, trips to football games, etc. I haven't been able to regroup. However, I think today did me a lot of good. Hopefully this will translate into more updates.
Step 1: Get the money
Step 2: Get the power
Step 3: Buy the complete series of "Salute Your Shorts" on DVD
In all seriousness, I just needed a day from the shitshow that has been my life. With moving in, trips to home, trips to football games, etc. I haven't been able to regroup. However, I think today did me a lot of good. Hopefully this will translate into more updates.
20.11.06
deleted
Well, I was going to write a post entitled "Rosa Parks: Quit Your Bitchin'", but I'm not sure if it was gonna come across the right way.
But anyways I have so posts in the queue that I need to finish up. So have no fear.
But anyways I have so posts in the queue that I need to finish up. So have no fear.
12.11.06
Updizzle
Time to turn and face the strange.
I've determined I'm a materially different person than I was, say, 1 year ago. One of the main changes is that I'm much more obnoxious. I'm not completely sure how/why this happened. But the fuck that I give has decreased substantially. This has both positive and negative effects. The positive effect is that girls seem to respond relatively well to obnoxiousness for some reason. It's might be the whole "all the hot chicks get with assholes" theory. The negative is epitomized in the following example:
So when we were waking over to this bar (mind you that I'm completely sober at this point) and we saw this group of like 15 guys dressed up as the "superfans". I say something like "Hey assholes, Halloween was two weeks ago." Well, this was funny and all, but I didn't want to have the story where one night I got my ass kicked by a roaming gaggle of Superfans. That's just uncool.
I've determined I'm a materially different person than I was, say, 1 year ago. One of the main changes is that I'm much more obnoxious. I'm not completely sure how/why this happened. But the fuck that I give has decreased substantially. This has both positive and negative effects. The positive effect is that girls seem to respond relatively well to obnoxiousness for some reason. It's might be the whole "all the hot chicks get with assholes" theory. The negative is epitomized in the following example:
So when we were waking over to this bar (mind you that I'm completely sober at this point) and we saw this group of like 15 guys dressed up as the "superfans". I say something like "Hey assholes, Halloween was two weeks ago." Well, this was funny and all, but I didn't want to have the story where one night I got my ass kicked by a roaming gaggle of Superfans. That's just uncool.
6.11.06
Update!
Yeah, I know I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy at work and moving in.
Disturbing alert:
My one friend just likened hooking up with a passed-out chick like the game "Operation." Just like with the game, you want to get the job done without providing too much stimulation.
High-larious.
Disturbing alert:
My one friend just likened hooking up with a passed-out chick like the game "Operation." Just like with the game, you want to get the job done without providing too much stimulation.
High-larious.
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