Top 12 things on the to do list for tomorrow:
1. Attend 8am marketing meeting
2. Bring sexy back
3. Answer work emails
4. Remove all the toilet paper from bathrooms in floors with prime numbers
5. Finish LBO model
6. Make Roth IRA contribution
7. Contemplate the size of an electron
8. File expenses
9. Do 1,000 crunches under my desk without anyone noticing
10. Eat all confidential documents.
11. Smoke the really confidential documents.
12. Make sure to get Netflix in the mail
15.12.09
8.12.09
I'm an internet/attention whore
I figure I'd link my Twitter account here since it's basically a mini version of this blog -- i.e., generally streaming, always random, often ridiculous jokes/anecdotes and tasty nuggets o' wisdom published mostly for my own amusement and record-keeping. So, there will never be any "my coffee is yummy"-type updates from me. Especially since the coffee I drink usually isn't very good.
22.11.09
Texts from last night
I received a great 'text from last night', ummmm, last night.
friend: I maced myself and puked in a dasani bottle in the game. i did not have a great time
ahahaha. Further conversation:
me: how did you puke in a bottle with a small opening?
friend: i puked in my mouth, slowly spit it out into the bottle and then left the game
I guess that's what this will do to you.
friend: I maced myself and puked in a dasani bottle in the game. i did not have a great time
ahahaha. Further conversation:
me: how did you puke in a bottle with a small opening?
friend: i puked in my mouth, slowly spit it out into the bottle and then left the game
I guess that's what this will do to you.
18.11.09
Thesaurus
I was talking with someone about alternatives for the word 'toilet' for use in a business email. Here's what I came up with:
'sewage conduit'
'waste management facilitator'
'water closet seat'
'byproduct receptacle'
'ceramic restroom fixture'
'flushable water-bowl chair'
'metallically semi-partitioned thinking throne'
'aquatic bulk material jettison device'
'sewage conduit'
'waste management facilitator'
'water closet seat'
'byproduct receptacle'
'ceramic restroom fixture'
'flushable water-bowl chair'
'metallically semi-partitioned thinking throne'
'aquatic bulk material jettison device'
17.11.09
Pitt ND
Sooo I hosted a group of people in my hometown of Pittsburgh for the Pitt - ND game. There's probably a ton to talk about which I may get to later (probably not!), but a few bullets:
-We had probably 25-30 people at the tailgate. We ran though a full keg, probably 5 cases, and at least 4 bottles of liquor.
-Somebody came up with a 'shot' called Plutonium -- apple pucker, rumple minze, pucker. Jesus.
-I almost started a 'fu-ckin yin-zers' chant at Heinz Field. Would've been a bad idea, hah.
-We had probably 25-30 people at the tailgate. We ran though a full keg, probably 5 cases, and at least 4 bottles of liquor.
-Somebody came up with a 'shot' called Plutonium -- apple pucker, rumple minze, pucker. Jesus.
-I almost started a 'fu-ckin yin-zers' chant at Heinz Field. Would've been a bad idea, hah.
3.11.09
24.10.09
IMG00029-20091024-1209.jpg
BC Liveblog!
So today's a pretty big game for the irish, but I feel like people aren't as up for it as they should be (myself included).
Anyhow, the Drink of the Week is Riot Juice, as seen on Thursdays always sunny. It's perticularly applicable because if we lose there will be a riot. The indgredients, which are probably not 100pct accurate, are vodka, blue gatorade, and red bull. What pulls it all together is drinking it out of a clear water jug.
We just bought the ingredients and spent some time properly setting them up in styrofoam coolers. It's like we're transporting organs.
23.10.09
USC Liveblog, An Addendum
There was one particularly notable event that happened during the game that I wasn't able to write about at the time. So, I'll explain here:
When DFo and I got to our seats there was a guy in the row in front of us with this green goofy hat (don't know what the name of this type of hat is; it's like something an old man would wear) that said 'Chicago Irish' on it. This dude was probably in his mid to late 20's. DFo was being friendly and asked him if he was from Chicago and what high school he went to. They chatted for a little bit and that was that.
Fast-forward to the second quarter. Score is 3-7 USC. DFo and I were doing our normal football talk -- saying stuff like 'that was a good block', 'they're rolling coverage to Tate's side', 'interesting to see Walker in the game,' etc, etc. On one play, a USC defensive end jumps waaaay offsides but has enough time to stop and backtrack to his side of the field. DFo and I are upset and DFo says what we both were thinking in that it should be whistled dead and called as a penalty because the USC player was unabated to the quarterback. Our friend, the guy in the Chicago Irish hat, turns around and says there's not such thing and that a defensive player 'can run around in circles in the backfield as long as the ball is not snapped.' He then goes on further saying we've been talking way too much and talking out of our asses the whole game and how he 'has never heard two people who know so little about football talk so much about football'. Jesus. Christ.
Ok, where to start with all of this? Let's start with one point, just to get that out of the way. From the official 2009-2010 NCAA Rule Book, (PDF here) :
Before the snap, a Team B player crosses the neutral zone and, without making contact, continues his charge behind a Team A lineman and directly toward (read: unabated) the quarterback or kicker. RULING: A Team B player who is on Team A’s side of the neutral zone and is moving in a direct path toward the quarterback or kicker while he is behind an offensive lineman is considered to be interfering with Team A’s formation. Penalty—Team B foul, offside. Dead ball. Five yards from the succeeding spot.
So, first of all, this goofy-hatted fuck was wrong about the point in question. Further DFo, and I were not being obnoxious, loud, or making ridiculous statements. It's not like we were saying "oh, man, Weis should have called a 20 yard switch-route concept against that Cover 9 robber USC defense." The nerve of this guy was unbelievable, especially considering he is supposedly an ND fan, we were chatting and being friendly earlier, and it being the biggest game in 10 years.
DFo and I are just amazed at the audacity and dickishness of this dude. Some of my responses, other than assuring him that 'unabated to the QB' is a rule, were:
"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have a PhD in football? Thank God you here to educate the laymen."
"Are you a disguised USC fan? Why in the hell would you pick a random fight with someone on the same team?"
We then proceeded to make jokes about how I hope we get a home run, and other jokes like that. So the guy actually leaves at halftime. Maybe he was scared or something?? Not sure why he'd be scared of two dorky-looking white dudes, but whatever.
Another story of how AWESOME Notre Dame fans are. Ugh.
Also, depending on how I'm feeling tomorrow (have been sick this week), I may liveblog the BC game tomorrow.
When DFo and I got to our seats there was a guy in the row in front of us with this green goofy hat (don't know what the name of this type of hat is; it's like something an old man would wear) that said 'Chicago Irish' on it. This dude was probably in his mid to late 20's. DFo was being friendly and asked him if he was from Chicago and what high school he went to. They chatted for a little bit and that was that.
Fast-forward to the second quarter. Score is 3-7 USC. DFo and I were doing our normal football talk -- saying stuff like 'that was a good block', 'they're rolling coverage to Tate's side', 'interesting to see Walker in the game,' etc, etc. On one play, a USC defensive end jumps waaaay offsides but has enough time to stop and backtrack to his side of the field. DFo and I are upset and DFo says what we both were thinking in that it should be whistled dead and called as a penalty because the USC player was unabated to the quarterback. Our friend, the guy in the Chicago Irish hat, turns around and says there's not such thing and that a defensive player 'can run around in circles in the backfield as long as the ball is not snapped.' He then goes on further saying we've been talking way too much and talking out of our asses the whole game and how he 'has never heard two people who know so little about football talk so much about football'. Jesus. Christ.
Ok, where to start with all of this? Let's start with one point, just to get that out of the way. From the official 2009-2010 NCAA Rule Book, (PDF here) :
Before the snap, a Team B player crosses the neutral zone and, without making contact, continues his charge behind a Team A lineman and directly toward (read: unabated) the quarterback or kicker. RULING: A Team B player who is on Team A’s side of the neutral zone and is moving in a direct path toward the quarterback or kicker while he is behind an offensive lineman is considered to be interfering with Team A’s formation. Penalty—Team B foul, offside. Dead ball. Five yards from the succeeding spot.
So, first of all, this goofy-hatted fuck was wrong about the point in question. Further DFo, and I were not being obnoxious, loud, or making ridiculous statements. It's not like we were saying "oh, man, Weis should have called a 20 yard switch-route concept against that Cover 9 robber USC defense." The nerve of this guy was unbelievable, especially considering he is supposedly an ND fan, we were chatting and being friendly earlier, and it being the biggest game in 10 years.
DFo and I are just amazed at the audacity and dickishness of this dude. Some of my responses, other than assuring him that 'unabated to the QB' is a rule, were:
"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have a PhD in football? Thank God you here to educate the laymen."
"Are you a disguised USC fan? Why in the hell would you pick a random fight with someone on the same team?"
We then proceeded to make jokes about how I hope we get a home run, and other jokes like that. So the guy actually leaves at halftime. Maybe he was scared or something?? Not sure why he'd be scared of two dorky-looking white dudes, but whatever.
Another story of how AWESOME Notre Dame fans are. Ugh.
Also, depending on how I'm feeling tomorrow (have been sick this week), I may liveblog the BC game tomorrow.
17.10.09
USC Game Liveblog!
7:30am: what kind of patheric, depraved bastards buy boxed wine at 7am from Jewel? Me and D-fo, that's who.
Anyhow, today is probably the biggest ND game since I've been a fan (2002). So, I will be blogging the occasion. My phone has a camera now, so ill be able to upload photos in real time, if that ends up making sense.
Back to the boxed wine. We will be drinking it out of cans, an idea from Always Sunny. It allows concealment and violent hand gestures without spilling.
2.10.09
A Reasoned, Eloquent Dialogue on the Olympics Not Coming to Chicago, Taken From GChat
friend:
what's the local chicago reaction
to bam bam's failure
me:
3:00 PM
i think most people, at least in circles like mine, didn't want it
it was just so damn politically driven
im happy as balls
fuck these clown ass politicians here
3:01 PM fuck dailey
fuck obama
fuck em
keep these foreign ass clowns out of my shit
i idont need any more foreign dbags up in my face
i dont need any more contruction projects blasting me in the ass on a daily basis
3:02 PM for 2 weeks of clusterfucking
dont need 6 years of mild to moderate clusterfucking for 2 weeks of vicious clusterfucking
that equation doesnt make sense to me
3:04 PM i dont get how building a goddamn stadium or an aquapark or whatever makes economic sense. how does spending that money justify a month of increase in economic activity
3:05 PM i refuse to believe that some latvian polevaulter or whatever is gonna spend enough cash to pay for that
3:06 PM so it would be over and we're left with our proverbial dicks in our hands with a bunch of bullshit infrastructure. with no purpose. when shit that actually needs CAPEX is left still fucked
there were some germans on my train car early this week. i almost went ape shit
there were some germans on my train car early this week. i almost went ape shit
now, times that by 10000
for the olympics
man, THANK GOD
we didnt get that shit
15.9.09
STFU Marrieds Entry?
The comment is mine, by the way, and I haven't talked to this person since high school. Pretty much your standard facebook nonfriend. We'll see how long it takes to get deleted. If it doesn't, she may be denser than I imagine.Also, from a gchat after I read the above:
Im telling you, my jealously just cannot be containedon a scale from 1 to 10, I'm like a super fucking jealousi mean, if it were just the baby-looking in december, I'd be okay. MaybeBut Stacy? AND amy?Jesus H fucking christhow can I live with myselfknowing that someone is experiencing such ecstasywhen I'm left with such a trite, dreary existence in comparisonand dont even get me started on the photographerhow did she get the BEST photographer in the world?man, i thought he was nearly impossible to get!BUT SHE GOT HIM!OMGOMGCURSE THIS INEQUITABLE WORLD. FUUUUUCK!
I admit I'm a bit of a curmudgeon when it comes to facebook, but sometimes these status updates, random CAPITALIZED! outbursts, musings, etc., get so damn bad that I can barely take it, and I must retaliate with some snarky-ass comment. It's necessary for the universe to remain balanced.
8.9.09
Life Support
This blog has been on life support for probably well over a year now, but I'll continue to write, albeit disparately and sparingly, as a long painful crawl hooked up to respirators and various tubes is better than death. At least when we're talkin' 'bout blogs.
Anyhow, time for a...
Yes, that's a weekend update, if you're that incredibly dense. On Friday MackP, Beth, and Jamie came to Chicago from the Pittsburgh, Pistolvania. Shenanigans by day were as follows:
Friday
-Went to Hugo's Frog Bar for dinner. I explained to the uninitiated that the area we were in -- Rush and Division (or 'the Russian Division,' if you're P-Diddy) -- is notorious for older guys looking to pick up younger chicks, so watch your cornholes. I left that last part out.
-Mack and I had Irish coffee that was more alcoholic than an Irish Carbomb. It was was honestly 75% whiskey. I never thought I'd drink coffee like it was a shot.
-Afterwards we went to Elm Street Liquors to hang out. A roaming pack (perhaps gaggle?) of chubby chicks came in at about 11 and came. to. party. One of them just started grinding up on the wall like it was the dirtiest, nastiest, most ghetto-ass dance party in the world. She was dropping it as if it were very, very hot. Anyhow, this was very amusing and is my idea of entertainment. Great people-watching in that area in general.
Saturday
-Woke up at the very unsexy ass crack of Dawn's in order to go to an ND game.
-Drank about 5 of the last roughly 40 non-pussified Sparks on the planet Earff. I have a cache of the old formula and am rationing them carefully.
-ND curb-stomped Nevada.
Sunday
-Went to the Jazz Festival. The weather was great and it was fun, but really this thing is highly overrated. I like the smaller street festivals with cover bands and whatnot a lot more. Oh well.
Ugh, I just got really tired so I'm just going to quit and post the damn thing even though there's more to write about. Each post on this site is more half-assed than the last. Therefore, each new entry is the most half-assed I have ever done.
Anyhow, time for a...
Yes, that's a weekend update, if you're that incredibly dense. On Friday MackP, Beth, and Jamie came to Chicago from the Pittsburgh, Pistolvania. Shenanigans by day were as follows:
Friday
-Went to Hugo's Frog Bar for dinner. I explained to the uninitiated that the area we were in -- Rush and Division (or 'the Russian Division,' if you're P-Diddy) -- is notorious for older guys looking to pick up younger chicks, so watch your cornholes. I left that last part out.
-Mack and I had Irish coffee that was more alcoholic than an Irish Carbomb. It was was honestly 75% whiskey. I never thought I'd drink coffee like it was a shot.
-Afterwards we went to Elm Street Liquors to hang out. A roaming pack (perhaps gaggle?) of chubby chicks came in at about 11 and came. to. party. One of them just started grinding up on the wall like it was the dirtiest, nastiest, most ghetto-ass dance party in the world. She was dropping it as if it were very, very hot. Anyhow, this was very amusing and is my idea of entertainment. Great people-watching in that area in general.
Saturday
-Woke up at the very unsexy ass crack of Dawn's in order to go to an ND game.
-Drank about 5 of the last roughly 40 non-pussified Sparks on the planet Earff. I have a cache of the old formula and am rationing them carefully.
-ND curb-stomped Nevada.
Sunday
-Went to the Jazz Festival. The weather was great and it was fun, but really this thing is highly overrated. I like the smaller street festivals with cover bands and whatnot a lot more. Oh well.
Ugh, I just got really tired so I'm just going to quit and post the damn thing even though there's more to write about. Each post on this site is more half-assed than the last. Therefore, each new entry is the most half-assed I have ever done.
18.7.09
Your Daily Math Joke for July 18th, 2009
j(x+j)
Possession of j's with intent to distribute.
Bonus Deep Thought: I'd rather be worth my volume in gold than my weight in gold.
Bonus Deep Thought II: You can't hold a revolving door for a girl, so I think it's more chivalrous to enter a revolving door first, as it creates a spinning momentum and is easier for the 2nd person to go through.
Hmm, this blog may have reached a new nadir.
Possession of j's with intent to distribute.
Bonus Deep Thought: I'd rather be worth my volume in gold than my weight in gold.
Bonus Deep Thought II: You can't hold a revolving door for a girl, so I think it's more chivalrous to enter a revolving door first, as it creates a spinning momentum and is easier for the 2nd person to go through.
Hmm, this blog may have reached a new nadir.
2.7.09
Plane
I find it strange that airline parlance for children traveling in the same seat as their parent is "lap children.". This just sounds odd to me, like it's some sort of sub-human or someone with a deformity. "Stacy had her baby. It's so sad though. She had a lap child."
13.6.09
Liveblog: White Sox Road Trip
So a group of us are headed to Milwaukee to watch the White Sox, which, like most things in life, is just an excuse to drink and be ridiculous. Ill be posting random thoughts, anecdotes, and observations for the entertainment of, well, myself at least.
I'm amazed at how many coolers and how much ice we have. It's like we're transporting organs or something. However, we have something much more valuable and important -- Sparks.
5.6.09
Deep Thought
People who run on the streets really fast freak me out. It looks like they're running from something horrible and make me think maybe I should start running too.
2.6.09
21.5.09
SC Bound
I'm at O'Hare airport and this place is america at its worst. I'm flying united and at the check-in kiosk they tried to sell me no less that 4 different things -- first class seats, united "economy plus" (30 bucks), expedited security line (40), and a few other things that were so retarded I repressed them from my memory. Look, I'm claustrophobic and somewhat loose with my money but there's no way 6 inches of extra leg room is worth 30 bones. I'll spend 5 dollars on modern pharmaceuticals and pass the fuck out.
So I have my golf clubs with me and I'm a bit paranoid about getting charged a ton for it. First checked bag is 15 bucks. If it's over 50 lbs it's 125 (no joke) and if it's "oversized" it's 175. Christ, these clubs might be both. I place my bag on the scale and ask if it's over 50lbs. They guys says "yes it is." Fuuuuuuck. Then he says he's kidding and "just wanted to see the look on my face." Thanks, airport dude, I'm pretty sure that's how people get shot.
After some other moderate to severe annoyances, I'm posted up with a 8 dollar beer in front of me that's really worth so much more.
So, I'm off soon. I may do some "live blogging" though I'm not sure how much will be fit for your christian ears.
Til then!
So I have my golf clubs with me and I'm a bit paranoid about getting charged a ton for it. First checked bag is 15 bucks. If it's over 50 lbs it's 125 (no joke) and if it's "oversized" it's 175. Christ, these clubs might be both. I place my bag on the scale and ask if it's over 50lbs. They guys says "yes it is." Fuuuuuuck. Then he says he's kidding and "just wanted to see the look on my face." Thanks, airport dude, I'm pretty sure that's how people get shot.
After some other moderate to severe annoyances, I'm posted up with a 8 dollar beer in front of me that's really worth so much more.
So, I'm off soon. I may do some "live blogging" though I'm not sure how much will be fit for your christian ears.
Til then!
22.4.09
How not to write a resume
This is a section from a resume my firm received recently. It is crinkled for a reason.Click the image for easier reading.
4.4.09
Solution to the financial crisis
We're in quite a bind with all sorts of banks making terrible bets and over-leveraging. The government has thrown a bunch of money at them to solve the problem and now they're looking for more money themselves. Government officials have been looking for other sources of tax revenue, such as carried interest, increase in capital gains tax, etc. I contend that there is a better and easier solution -- tax cartoon characters. Let's consider Scrooge McDuck.
Uncle Scroooge, a tax-evading fuck.
Scrooge is rich as shit and his ass needs to be taxed. What does the government stand to gain from this? Well, let's consider what may be his number one asset -- gold bullion. Let's start by calculating its value today. His 'Money Bin', according to Wikipedia, is 53,391 cubic meters (37x37x39). Assume it's roughly half full, so that's 25,000 cubic meters of gold.
Uncle Scroooge, a tax-evading fuck.A cubic centimeter of gold weighs 19.3 grams. 25k cubic meters = 25 billion cubic centimeters. So, he has about 482 million kilograms of gold. Gold is generally priced in troy ounces and one troy ounce equals 31.1 grams. This works out to 15.5 billion troy ounces. At today's price of $9oo/oz, that gold is worth just under $14 trillion dollars.
Back when I was watching Duck Tales in 1991, gold was at roughly $350/oz, implying McDuck has seen a gain of $8.5 trillion. Gold is considered a long term capital asset, which is taxed at 20%. So, on this income alone, Scrooge owes the US Govt $1.7 trillion dollars in back taxes. This is roughly 2/3rds of what the gov't brings in per year.
Crisis solved bitches.
21.3.09
Blog Resurrection Number 45,342
So I was going though my phone and came across a journal I was keeping on my Europe trip from last summer. I didn't post it earlier due to an issue with a serpent-like creature I was inexplicably associated with at the time. Anyhow, it's incomplete, but I hope ya'll enjoy regardless.
"So we're approaching evening of the first day in Germany (july 1) and it's been kind of a rough go. However, given certain circumstances it's almost been a miracle it hasn't been much much worse. On Sunday I was the sickest I've been in over 2 years. I contracted food poisoning from food at this street fest. Uuugh. I was completely down and out. I also totally screwed up my neck and back from lying in the fetal position for hours on end (this helped with the stomach cramps). Not good for having to sit in a plane for 8 hours at a time.
International flights are surely a matter of the haves and have-nots. First class seemed baller since they sat in pods or whatever, although it was hard for me to see since they didn't allow the great unwashed to look in that direction. Business Class seemed very comfortable. Economy, however, was pretty rough. The worst part was that the movies were terrible. Not only were the movies bad, but they gave business class better ones. Wtf? Does it really cost anything more to play them in all classes. I think American Airlines was just looking to crush the spirit of the peasants. Pisses me off. So we were stuck w options like "How Stella Got Her Groove Back 3: The Quest for More Groove." =/
We had a short layover at Heathrow. Getting to the connecting flight was like a weird Mario Kart level, requiring twisted paths and long distances. We were sure to hit the "turbo arrows", ie people movers whenever we could. We arrived in Munich (or Munchen in German or "Munchkin" as I liked to call it) at mid-afternoon. Allison was smart enough to write down detailed directions from the airport to the hostel so we found it somewhat easily. All the weird street names were kinda hard to navigate. It's hard to remember aufwendlesteinerblochenstraBe.
Germany is almost exactly what I expected.
That night we went to one of the main beer gardens. It was pretty amazing. It was this giant area with tons of long tables and tall trees. There were probably between 1 and 3 thousand people here. Seemed to be mostly locals which was pretty cool. Beer was served in 1 liter steins. We had one and then wanted to try something else. The station was self serve so allison picked up a smaller stein. Apple juice. We tried another smaller stein which looked like a darker beer. Coke. So instead of sit around with all these soft drinks like a bunch of clowns we peaced.
German "light beer" is a misnomer. It's still quite strong and has an intense alcohol taste to it. For me, it's pretty hit or miss. Some of it I loved and some I thought was pretty rough.
The next day we took a tour at Dachau, one of the concentration camps. It was pretty incredible to see something like that. It was weird though, because the emotional aspect never really sunk in for me. I thought I would have a very rough time. It might be because it's so horrific that it's tough to really comprehend.
At night we went to the main haufbrau haus. It was big and the beer was very excellent, but it was outrageously touristy. The people next to us had southern accents.
German girls. Not cute. Must like their weiner schnitzel a little too much.
July 3rd we traveled to Prague. The train was pretty nice, but took 6 hrs even though the two cities were less than 200 miles away. The main prague station is being repaired so we get dropped off in the surburbs. Weird. You can tell this country is much worse off than germany, which didn't seem to have much poverty anywhere. So we're in this train station and can't figure out how to get a ticket to downtown. The ticket person speaks no english, doesn't accept dollars or euros, and doesn't have time for your cracker-ass cracker american bullshit. So fuck. What do we do? Try to exchange for Crowns (czech currency) w a local? Steal some shit? Well, I noticed they don't really check your ticket on the way in so I suggest we just bust through and sneak on the train. Works! Thank God for the honor system.
We arrive at the train station from which our directions start. We have a crappy map. We go up the super scary steep fast escalator to street level. It's at an intersection of like 8 streets so it's effectively a parking lot. It's hard to find street names to get our bearing. It also didn't help that our directions told us to go through the Bubble Tower. How the fuck are we supposed to know what that is. Next time around I will be more prepared. Anyhow, it took us a good hour or so to find the hostile which was probably a 15min walk from the station. The hostile is shitty with a broken mirror and no towels. The showers in all these places are the size of phonebooths.
Prague looks more run down than Germany. Though it depends on where you're at. Women there are notoriously beautiful, but I'm not sure if I can attest to that. It was hard telling tourists from locals and a lot of them had that poor eastern european pornstar look. They're tall with long legs, which goes a long way.
We spent the first evening at a cafe and then at a local bar. Praise the local bar. Beer is much cheaper and is more of a cultural scene. We had a hard time finding these types of places. Half-liters of beer were less than two dollars.
I was familiar with Pilsner urquel, brewed in the Czech republic, before going there. I didn't particularly like it. However, out of the tap in the Czech Rep it was amazing. Best beer I've ever had hands down. Must be legal to put crack in things there.
Next day we visited the main Castle, or Schloss, the german word. We borrowed a term from MIA's brother in saying that we were Schloss hunting. Cool stuff, cool history, cool pictures, lots of walking. I dropped prolly 3-5 lbs during this trip which will serve as a good starting point for rededicating myself to working out. If I didn't eat so crappily on this trip I might be in great shape. Anyhow, bagged that Schloss, went to bed kinda early since we needed to catch a bus to cesky krumlov the next day.
The official website says a bus leaves for krumlov at 9am from station x. Allison's alarm doesn't work and we get up at like 815. It's a pretty far walk. I say "I can leave in 3 min. We need to leave very soon. " Allison says ok but then proceeds to take like a 5min shower and another 5 min to get packed. We're fighting although she didn't know I was pissed at the time.
We walk at blazing speeds to the stop. Don't make it on time and I think we can just catch the 11. The person at the ticket booth tells us that the next one is at 3 and at a different station across town. I didn't take a shower. I'm tired. I have a heavy backpack. The website lied. The station looks like it's in Iraq. I'm pissed. As we walk away I go in a ranting tirade about the Czech Republic and their "broke-ass easern european bullshit," calling all sorts of buildings and people things like "broke", "clown shoes", or "gay" while I contine to mumble or yell to myself. We make it to the main square. I tell MIA that Jan Has, a historical figure with a huge statue in the square, says "Fuck you.". Thankfully, I was joking at this point and got over my bad mood. I also declared that if I were a pickpocketer I would take your shit but not run. Would just stand there like "WHAT! What you goin' do?"
We spent the rest of the day before the train at some weird eiffel tower thing on a hill. We also watched an ADHD kid hump a car.
We dilly-dally to the new station and arive 20 min before the bus leaves. Only problem is that we are at the station sign and do not see any buses. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off looking for the buses. One person told us the wrong location which basically fucked us. We had 8 min til departure. I've given up hope and try to imagine how we'll find new lodging or what we'll do with another 2 nights in Prague. There are only so many Schlosses. Eventually someone told us the right location and we ran to the spot. Barely made it. That was a hugely important point in our trip. Off to the krumlov.
"I'm Krumlovin it" I say as we walk into the city. Good lord I'm witty. The city basically looks like something out of a video game. Pretty incredible.
"
So there you have it. I also wrote "Its hard to represent your shit when you're trying to represent some other shit" although I now don't remember what that means. Was probably wasted.
I might try to fill in the rest of the trip sometime although that may be tough since it's been 9 months. I think the above represents a little under half.
I intend in my usual half-assed fashion to keep updating. My next entry will be how to solve the financial crisis.
"So we're approaching evening of the first day in Germany (july 1) and it's been kind of a rough go. However, given certain circumstances it's almost been a miracle it hasn't been much much worse. On Sunday I was the sickest I've been in over 2 years. I contracted food poisoning from food at this street fest. Uuugh. I was completely down and out. I also totally screwed up my neck and back from lying in the fetal position for hours on end (this helped with the stomach cramps). Not good for having to sit in a plane for 8 hours at a time.
International flights are surely a matter of the haves and have-nots. First class seemed baller since they sat in pods or whatever, although it was hard for me to see since they didn't allow the great unwashed to look in that direction. Business Class seemed very comfortable. Economy, however, was pretty rough. The worst part was that the movies were terrible. Not only were the movies bad, but they gave business class better ones. Wtf? Does it really cost anything more to play them in all classes. I think American Airlines was just looking to crush the spirit of the peasants. Pisses me off. So we were stuck w options like "How Stella Got Her Groove Back 3: The Quest for More Groove." =/
We had a short layover at Heathrow. Getting to the connecting flight was like a weird Mario Kart level, requiring twisted paths and long distances. We were sure to hit the "turbo arrows", ie people movers whenever we could. We arrived in Munich (or Munchen in German or "Munchkin" as I liked to call it) at mid-afternoon. Allison was smart enough to write down detailed directions from the airport to the hostel so we found it somewhat easily. All the weird street names were kinda hard to navigate. It's hard to remember aufwendlesteinerblochenstraBe.
Germany is almost exactly what I expected.
That night we went to one of the main beer gardens. It was pretty amazing. It was this giant area with tons of long tables and tall trees. There were probably between 1 and 3 thousand people here. Seemed to be mostly locals which was pretty cool. Beer was served in 1 liter steins. We had one and then wanted to try something else. The station was self serve so allison picked up a smaller stein. Apple juice. We tried another smaller stein which looked like a darker beer. Coke. So instead of sit around with all these soft drinks like a bunch of clowns we peaced.
German "light beer" is a misnomer. It's still quite strong and has an intense alcohol taste to it. For me, it's pretty hit or miss. Some of it I loved and some I thought was pretty rough.
The next day we took a tour at Dachau, one of the concentration camps. It was pretty incredible to see something like that. It was weird though, because the emotional aspect never really sunk in for me. I thought I would have a very rough time. It might be because it's so horrific that it's tough to really comprehend.
At night we went to the main haufbrau haus. It was big and the beer was very excellent, but it was outrageously touristy. The people next to us had southern accents.
German girls. Not cute. Must like their weiner schnitzel a little too much.
July 3rd we traveled to Prague. The train was pretty nice, but took 6 hrs even though the two cities were less than 200 miles away. The main prague station is being repaired so we get dropped off in the surburbs. Weird. You can tell this country is much worse off than germany, which didn't seem to have much poverty anywhere. So we're in this train station and can't figure out how to get a ticket to downtown. The ticket person speaks no english, doesn't accept dollars or euros, and doesn't have time for your cracker-ass cracker american bullshit. So fuck. What do we do? Try to exchange for Crowns (czech currency) w a local? Steal some shit? Well, I noticed they don't really check your ticket on the way in so I suggest we just bust through and sneak on the train. Works! Thank God for the honor system.
We arrive at the train station from which our directions start. We have a crappy map. We go up the super scary steep fast escalator to street level. It's at an intersection of like 8 streets so it's effectively a parking lot. It's hard to find street names to get our bearing. It also didn't help that our directions told us to go through the Bubble Tower. How the fuck are we supposed to know what that is. Next time around I will be more prepared. Anyhow, it took us a good hour or so to find the hostile which was probably a 15min walk from the station. The hostile is shitty with a broken mirror and no towels. The showers in all these places are the size of phonebooths.
Prague looks more run down than Germany. Though it depends on where you're at. Women there are notoriously beautiful, but I'm not sure if I can attest to that. It was hard telling tourists from locals and a lot of them had that poor eastern european pornstar look. They're tall with long legs, which goes a long way.
We spent the first evening at a cafe and then at a local bar. Praise the local bar. Beer is much cheaper and is more of a cultural scene. We had a hard time finding these types of places. Half-liters of beer were less than two dollars.
I was familiar with Pilsner urquel, brewed in the Czech republic, before going there. I didn't particularly like it. However, out of the tap in the Czech Rep it was amazing. Best beer I've ever had hands down. Must be legal to put crack in things there.
Next day we visited the main Castle, or Schloss, the german word. We borrowed a term from MIA's brother in saying that we were Schloss hunting. Cool stuff, cool history, cool pictures, lots of walking. I dropped prolly 3-5 lbs during this trip which will serve as a good starting point for rededicating myself to working out. If I didn't eat so crappily on this trip I might be in great shape. Anyhow, bagged that Schloss, went to bed kinda early since we needed to catch a bus to cesky krumlov the next day.
The official website says a bus leaves for krumlov at 9am from station x. Allison's alarm doesn't work and we get up at like 815. It's a pretty far walk. I say "I can leave in 3 min. We need to leave very soon. " Allison says ok but then proceeds to take like a 5min shower and another 5 min to get packed. We're fighting although she didn't know I was pissed at the time.
We walk at blazing speeds to the stop. Don't make it on time and I think we can just catch the 11. The person at the ticket booth tells us that the next one is at 3 and at a different station across town. I didn't take a shower. I'm tired. I have a heavy backpack. The website lied. The station looks like it's in Iraq. I'm pissed. As we walk away I go in a ranting tirade about the Czech Republic and their "broke-ass easern european bullshit," calling all sorts of buildings and people things like "broke", "clown shoes", or "gay" while I contine to mumble or yell to myself. We make it to the main square. I tell MIA that Jan Has, a historical figure with a huge statue in the square, says "Fuck you.". Thankfully, I was joking at this point and got over my bad mood. I also declared that if I were a pickpocketer I would take your shit but not run. Would just stand there like "WHAT! What you goin' do?"
We spent the rest of the day before the train at some weird eiffel tower thing on a hill. We also watched an ADHD kid hump a car.
We dilly-dally to the new station and arive 20 min before the bus leaves. Only problem is that we are at the station sign and do not see any buses. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off looking for the buses. One person told us the wrong location which basically fucked us. We had 8 min til departure. I've given up hope and try to imagine how we'll find new lodging or what we'll do with another 2 nights in Prague. There are only so many Schlosses. Eventually someone told us the right location and we ran to the spot. Barely made it. That was a hugely important point in our trip. Off to the krumlov.
"I'm Krumlovin it" I say as we walk into the city. Good lord I'm witty. The city basically looks like something out of a video game. Pretty incredible.
"
So there you have it. I also wrote "Its hard to represent your shit when you're trying to represent some other shit" although I now don't remember what that means. Was probably wasted.
I might try to fill in the rest of the trip sometime although that may be tough since it's been 9 months. I think the above represents a little under half.
I intend in my usual half-assed fashion to keep updating. My next entry will be how to solve the financial crisis.
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