Texts from last night

I received a great 'text from last night', ummmm, last night.

friend: I maced myself and puked in a dasani bottle in the game. i did not have a great time

ahahaha. Further conversation:

me: how did you puke in a bottle with a small opening?
friend: i puked in my mouth, slowly spit it out into the bottle and then left the game

I guess that's what this will do to you.

Thesaurus

I was talking with someone about alternatives for the word 'toilet' for use in a business email. Here's what I came up with:

'sewage conduit'
'waste management facilitator'
'water closet seat'
'byproduct receptacle'
'ceramic restroom fixture'
'flushable water-bowl chair'
'metallically semi-partitioned thinking throne'
'aquatic bulk material jettison device'

Pitt ND

Sooo I hosted a group of people in my hometown of Pittsburgh for the Pitt - ND game. There's probably a ton to talk about which I may get to later (probably not!), but a few bullets:

-We had probably 25-30 people at the tailgate. We ran though a full keg, probably 5 cases, and at least 4 bottles of liquor.

-Somebody came up with a 'shot' called Plutonium -- apple pucker, rumple minze, pucker. Jesus.

-I almost started a 'fu-ckin yin-zers' chant at Heinz Field. Would've been a bad idea, hah.

$

UPDATE: DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYTHING I EVER SAY EVER