CTA Roulette

Since this is morphing into a public transit blog (if I really went down this path I could probably get some real traffic rather than myself and my imaginary pet hamster, John Calligan), I figured I'd share a thought.

CTA buses were designed by the twisted surgeon from Human Centipede. However, instead of sewing people ass-to-mouth people are pressed together via confined spaces ass-to-ass, dick-to-ass, and sometimes the somewhat rare face-to-ass or dick-to-face. This is only a part of the problem, but the seats are designed with a width that would make Spirit airlines cringe.

Anyhow, what I'm getting at is you are going to get an assful of ass based on who you sit next to. I only sit when I need to do some work or I know it won't be crowded or I know it will be so crowded I will be in the way at every stop. I find myself in situations with an empty seat next to me and people walking by while I'm hoping to get a good draw. Contrary to popular belief, not all asses are created equal. Here is the heirarchy of asses as it relates to people sitting next to me -- in descending order of preference:

1. Hot chick - needs no explanation
2. Other normal-sized chicks under 40
3. Child ages 5-13, average sized or less, no ADHD
4. Older woman who does not smell like candle store
5. Elderly people who could run a sub 20-second 40 yard dash
6. Normal sized or less dude who has a white collar job and has a sense of personal space
7. Child up to age 5 assuming they're not all up in my shit
8. Normal to above average sized dude who has no concept of personal space. Some people will seriously sit on your lap even if there's tons of room (important note hot chicks do NOT do this. certainly not to me)
9. Homeless person with no smell or pleasant smell
10. Obese people
11. Homeless person who smells like wet garbage
12. Rosie O'Donnell
13. Crazy person who is yelling about absolutely nothing- you would be surprised at how many of this type there are

What's weird is that I'm not an uptight person at all but I just can't stand being packed in with these people. I don't know how other people who are way more sensitive deal with it.

Oh, and this is NOT like being on a plane. Those people you at least know don't have weapons, are sane enough to find the airport and get thought security, have enough money to get a plane ticket, and potentially have some sort of meaning in their lives because they have to actually go somewhere outside the neighborhood.

Ok, I'm up late and have just rambled this whole thing off.

Blogation Station - Your NUMBER ONE SOURCE for EURO MULLETS and MOTOR DRANX

This is pretty absurd. I found that Blogger keeps stats on certain things for the blogs. One is search keywords that let to the site. Leading the charge is European Mullet. "Meritas masturbate" and "Motor Dranx" has some cathing up to do.