I have a twitter account where I produce combinations of up to 140 characters meant to incite some sort of human reaction when read and understood.
I often have thoughts that run more than 140 characters but are not long enough to be blog-worthy. Let's post them here.
To start:
I visited the wedding website of a friend which was so terribly corny, emotional, and badly produced that it created a searing sensation in a few locations in my brain. After a moment I took a deep breath. Perhaps these two are deep thinkers. Perhaps they created this to make us question our own sanity? Clever, clever friends. #coping
16.12.11
15.12.11
Rant
Ok, folks, I'm going to try to squeeze in a couple posts before year-end, just so when I look back on this 2011 doesn't looks like a totally lost year. (As if 2012 will be super-active, but anyhow...)
Before we get to the meat of this post I want to mention that upcoming, before year end, there will be a post that details strategy, nuance, and general survival on the chicago public transit system. It will be nonsense if you don't live here, but you can still marvel at its insanity regardless.
Now, on to what I want to talk about. I preface this with that this is a rant, is unstructured, has misspellings, I'm drunk, and I don't care. And fuck you.
Well, and with that.... Let's talk about college football. This is the subject of the post so let's just... #collegefootball. Ah, ok, now it's official. Now's the time of year where pundits, fans, media, so on and so forth, debate, ramble, rabble on and on and on and on about who should be in what bowl, this and that. A large part of the discussion surrounds who should be in the BCS. Even more granularly, who should be numbers one and two. That's what the goddamn thing was created for anyhow though, right?
Is it alabama and LSU? LSU and OK State? LSU and GoFuckYourMother State? People talk and debate and wonder and project on this till they're blue in the face and blue in the balls. This is basically like deciding which deck chair should be the #1 seed on the titanic. Let's back up a bit...
The BCS, for as fucked as it is, at least has a stated purpose -- pitting the #1 and #2 teams against each other at the end of the year. Ok, your formulas are stupid, but I can appreciate that it has a mission statement. It gives us a context within which to work. But really, we can extrapolate this. Let's ask the natural next question-- what is the purpose of NCAA football? Am I dropping goddamn acid or am I the only person who has ever even asked this question? When has this been discussed on Sports Center? Yes, we talk about how fast Brian McClusterfuck's 40 time is or how many times LSU's cheerleaders have been banged, but has anyone ever even thought of what the fuck is going on at a high level?
"Ahhh shit, Buttfuck State should be #3 not number 2. Goatse U had the same record and played a much better schedule. Plus they have a bigger butthole. Fuck BS, fuck Coach Shitnuts, fuck the system" Ah yes, fuck the system. But what system are you talk about? You get bent over percentages in the BCS? Are you mad?
Fuck, I don't even care *what* is going on. I just want to know what the fuck is *supposed* to be going on. Someone answer the following questions:
What is the intended competitive landscape supposed to look like? What drives success? What is the path, purpose, and nature of the player? The coach? Athletic administration? Under what terms and constraints is success defined? How is it rewarded? How are the schools supposed to interact and compete? What are the controls, potential sanctions, mechanics, etc., that ensure, govern, or whateverthefuck all of the above? No details. High level.
Really, you can sum the above: what's the paradigm of college football?
No common college football fan and certainly no pundit would be able to answer any of those above. I imagine the common response would be "duuuuuhgghhhhrrrrROLL TAIHHHD." I'm sure the NCAA would say something like "Well, it's all guhhhhhhhhr student athlete, competition, tradition, tv, well some money too, ahh look over there is that justin beiber setting off fireworks with selena gomez's titties and pussy poppin out all over the place. Pussy juice, fire, pop songs, everywhere. /runs"
I venture to guess there are some sort of answers to these in the NCAA bylaws, operating agreements, or whatever. But the fact that I nor anyone really know about these makes them pointless anyhow. College football, to the casual observer -- or, well, to any observer -- is a hot mess of free market, NCAA posturing, and vague virtue soap box gangbangs.
Well, what it is right now is of importance, but really of more importance is creating an ideal and a roadmap. The NCAA (or, more broadly and perhaps more accurately, college football) is at a crossroads and needs to define that map.
To be clear, I don't expect CFB to be a beacon of perfect rules, perfect actors, and a perfect environment in a sea of chaos in insanity. Yes, I think we can get a whole lot closer to where we want to go (ps this is going to take government intervention, but that issue is a whole 'nother post) but step one is figuring out what that is, or at least saying it out loud. Let's hold hands, stand in a circle, and say what the NCAA should be. If that's "a shitshow free market system where whoever cheats the most, has the hottest chicks, pays players the most, does the most steroids, spends the most money, has the most strategic (read: pathetic) schedule, and conjures the most luck WINS," then let's fucking do it. Full speed ahead with the whores, money, roids, TV, gamblin, death, explosions, titties, and whatnot. Let's fucking do it. At least that will shut people up. Half of them maybe.
Should rename this post "a case study in why people take pills." Prozac, quaaludes, booze, etc, gimme....
Ahh yes, where was I going with this. Oklahoma State should be number 2. Alabama had their chance, Ok State finished strong. Madness, I tell you. Check the formulas. Or don't. Don't really care. It's college football, who the fuck cares?
Before we get to the meat of this post I want to mention that upcoming, before year end, there will be a post that details strategy, nuance, and general survival on the chicago public transit system. It will be nonsense if you don't live here, but you can still marvel at its insanity regardless.
Now, on to what I want to talk about. I preface this with that this is a rant, is unstructured, has misspellings, I'm drunk, and I don't care. And fuck you.
Well, and with that.... Let's talk about college football. This is the subject of the post so let's just... #collegefootball. Ah, ok, now it's official. Now's the time of year where pundits, fans, media, so on and so forth, debate, ramble, rabble on and on and on and on about who should be in what bowl, this and that. A large part of the discussion surrounds who should be in the BCS. Even more granularly, who should be numbers one and two. That's what the goddamn thing was created for anyhow though, right?
Is it alabama and LSU? LSU and OK State? LSU and GoFuckYourMother State? People talk and debate and wonder and project on this till they're blue in the face and blue in the balls. This is basically like deciding which deck chair should be the #1 seed on the titanic. Let's back up a bit...
The BCS, for as fucked as it is, at least has a stated purpose -- pitting the #1 and #2 teams against each other at the end of the year. Ok, your formulas are stupid, but I can appreciate that it has a mission statement. It gives us a context within which to work. But really, we can extrapolate this. Let's ask the natural next question-- what is the purpose of NCAA football? Am I dropping goddamn acid or am I the only person who has ever even asked this question? When has this been discussed on Sports Center? Yes, we talk about how fast Brian McClusterfuck's 40 time is or how many times LSU's cheerleaders have been banged, but has anyone ever even thought of what the fuck is going on at a high level?
"Ahhh shit, Buttfuck State should be #3 not number 2. Goatse U had the same record and played a much better schedule. Plus they have a bigger butthole. Fuck BS, fuck Coach Shitnuts, fuck the system" Ah yes, fuck the system. But what system are you talk about? You get bent over percentages in the BCS? Are you mad?
Fuck, I don't even care *what* is going on. I just want to know what the fuck is *supposed* to be going on. Someone answer the following questions:
What is the intended competitive landscape supposed to look like? What drives success? What is the path, purpose, and nature of the player? The coach? Athletic administration? Under what terms and constraints is success defined? How is it rewarded? How are the schools supposed to interact and compete? What are the controls, potential sanctions, mechanics, etc., that ensure, govern, or whateverthefuck all of the above? No details. High level.
Really, you can sum the above: what's the paradigm of college football?
No common college football fan and certainly no pundit would be able to answer any of those above. I imagine the common response would be "duuuuuhgghhhhrrrrROLL TAIHHHD." I'm sure the NCAA would say something like "Well, it's all guhhhhhhhhr student athlete, competition, tradition, tv, well some money too, ahh look over there is that justin beiber setting off fireworks with selena gomez's titties and pussy poppin out all over the place. Pussy juice, fire, pop songs, everywhere. /runs"
I venture to guess there are some sort of answers to these in the NCAA bylaws, operating agreements, or whatever. But the fact that I nor anyone really know about these makes them pointless anyhow. College football, to the casual observer -- or, well, to any observer -- is a hot mess of free market, NCAA posturing, and vague virtue soap box gangbangs.
Well, what it is right now is of importance, but really of more importance is creating an ideal and a roadmap. The NCAA (or, more broadly and perhaps more accurately, college football) is at a crossroads and needs to define that map.
To be clear, I don't expect CFB to be a beacon of perfect rules, perfect actors, and a perfect environment in a sea of chaos in insanity. Yes, I think we can get a whole lot closer to where we want to go (ps this is going to take government intervention, but that issue is a whole 'nother post) but step one is figuring out what that is, or at least saying it out loud. Let's hold hands, stand in a circle, and say what the NCAA should be. If that's "a shitshow free market system where whoever cheats the most, has the hottest chicks, pays players the most, does the most steroids, spends the most money, has the most strategic (read: pathetic) schedule, and conjures the most luck WINS," then let's fucking do it. Full speed ahead with the whores, money, roids, TV, gamblin, death, explosions, titties, and whatnot. Let's fucking do it. At least that will shut people up. Half of them maybe.
Should rename this post "a case study in why people take pills." Prozac, quaaludes, booze, etc, gimme....
Ahh yes, where was I going with this. Oklahoma State should be number 2. Alabama had their chance, Ok State finished strong. Madness, I tell you. Check the formulas. Or don't. Don't really care. It's college football, who the fuck cares?
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