Dranx #1 and #2

I found a bottle of Kahlua buried in my things today. It made me think of this particularly awful drink I once had. My top 5 worst drinks of all time, in no particular order (I may order them later):

1. "The Kahlua Sour" - Date: circa 2003 Location: College
Pop quiz, hotshot. It's a Friday night, you're staying in, and all you have is a bottle of Kahlua. What do you do? What. do. you. do? Well, if you're like me you fire up the ole intarweb and google "kahlua mixed drinks." The only one that I could find that included the materials readily available to me was a "kahlua sour." Maybe I should've realized this at the time, but Kahlua, sugar, and lemon juice is a less-than-stellar combination. It's odd, when you combine these substances it forms a syrup-like fluid. Needless to say it was awful. It was like drinking motor oil mixed with lemonade mixed with Aunt Jemima. Sadly, I did not come even close to finishing this drink.

2. "World's Largest Tequila Shot" - Date: circa 2001 Location: PittsburghAs a preface, the reasoning behind this drink is irrational and inexplicable for the most part. In fact, I am going to spin this story as much as I can to make my actions seem somewhat reasonable. But I assure you, they weren't.
So anyhow, this drink takes place in high school and I was not a very experienced drinker. The place was a house party with a bunch of my high school friends. Back then, I wasn't much of a beer drinker (that taste I had to acquire) so I was looking around for some other kind of alcohol to quench my thirst. Some of the girls were making margaritas and I decided to roll over there with my trusty empty Solo cup in hand. I, being a self-respecting Man, couldn't drink the feminine to semi-feminine Margarita. I tell one of the ladies, "dump some of that tequila in my cup." To this day I still remember her response: "Just straight tequila? You're crazy." Yeah, crazy like an (alcoholic) fox. The cup was filled by no less than 3 inches of this tequila. Think for a minute how much tequila that is. And this was no Petron Silver. This was "we're highschoolers with no money, don't know anything about liquor, and we're gonna mix it to hell anyhow" tequila. What did I use as a chaser? Air, testosterone, and willpower, my friend. With a drink this serious, you can't just roll around and mingle as you would with any other drink. You have to concentrate and focus. Therefore, I sat down in the living room with the lights on and just slugged it while keeping my game face on.The aftermath was not pretty. For some reason I wasn't terribly drunk, but it gave me awful stomach cramps. And I mean awful. I was on a recliner in a fetal position for at least an hour. That's the price you pay for being hardcore (and a dumbass).

Numbers 3-5 will come at a later date. Stay tuned, Nation.