Weekend and Such

This entry is quite poorly written and in mostly bullet-point format even though there are only a few bullets. I wrote this as quickly as possible to save time. Quantity over quality, bitches.

Thursday we went out to Trinity. This was Tempo's first time there and he brought his gee-eff Jenn. I don't remember much (my memory sucks, that's why I write this stuff down) but I do remember discussing the currency this one town created for itself. I will discuss this in a later post. I promise. I walked B home and got back really late. I was hurting the next day.

I determined that The Family needed a good toast saying. I got pissed off that neither I nor anyone else could come up with anything awesome. Therefore I declare that the toast will be "pimps up, hoes down" until someone comes up with anything better. May be hard to beat.

Mack P came in on Friday. I took the Blue Line after work to meet him at the airport. This was a terrible idea since the thing took forever, was crowded, and jerky. UGH. That night we went to Lake Shore Theater to see this one comic D Fo is familiar with. The crew was The Family plus Mack P and Jenn. The theme of the night was "the unbookables" because they were extremely offensive. They lived up to this name when the main comic looked at B and said that she's a whore and she need to whip her titties out. I was in more of a mood to laugh than to defend her honor. Meh.

The comics were hilarious. Save one guy who just ran old anti-bush/religion jokes that are so played out and rarely funny in the first place.

Only 30 or so people were there and they were giving away free drinks throughout the night. How does this place stay open? The guy who owns it (and stutters a lot) must be rich/stupid and really enjoys running a comedy club. Fine with me.

After they all went though their bits they must've just felt like not ending the show. They proceeded to call some guy on a cell phone and just chat it up with him. It devolved even further when people began hitting a bowl on stage. Ridiculous. We couldn't take it anymore and left.

I made a joke before we went into the theater that went over like a lead balloon. D Fo was getting a blue moon at the bar. First note that this place is in Boystown, one of the most prolific gay towns in the country. Also, it was gay pride weekend. So D Fo was getting his beer and the bar tender asked if he wanted an orange slice. Dave says, "yeah, throw some fruit in there." I say, "Might as well. It's gay pride weekend." I don't exactly "think" per se before I talk.

Saturday Mack P and I went to the office -- I needed to do some work. It sucked because it was cloudy and Mack couldn't see the nice view our office has. Anyhow we leave and go on a tour of Goose Island brewery. Only problem was that they do tours on Sunday, not Saturday. I felt really dumb. I set the thing up and I'm sure they said it was Saturday on the phone. I don't normally mess that stuff up. We rolled into this bar near there and had a few drinks instead. Although it could've been a hospital cuz there was some mad nursing going on.

We rolled back to our place to play some beer pong. This was glorious since I haven't played in a while. S Dot was in town. Tempo was on fire in the beginning of the pong-playing. I sucked until the last game where I sent it into OT and then just rolled in the extra period. We drank like a million beers. (Note to self to insert picture of the million beers.)

Jenn is quite short. I wouldn't be surprised if she were under 5'. I saw B standing next to her and I almost *died* laughing. The difference in height was hilarious. Jenn had sandals on and B had heels, so the 5'9" +3" -5' = 1 foot difference was hilarious. It's cool though -- I like tall girls.

We eventually rolled to Trader Todds. MIA felt it necessary to buy us "painkillers" which is some girly, coconutty drink. The thing was brutal. Anyhow, I was pretty damn drunk at this point. I think Dave, MIA, and Mack all sang "Sweet Caroline" at this place. Not sure though. Correct me in the comments section if I'm wrong.

All of a sudden about 10 shitty things happened to me at once. The perfect shitstorm, if you will. I was starting to get tired, sick, really drunk, and a few other things. I pulled an MIA by just peacing out on everyone at the bar and not telling them I was leaving. I was in an awful mood. I came home and just face-planted on my bed.

Sunday Mack P, B, and I went to 4 Shadows to get lunch. While we were there we saw some guy get out of his car at an intersection and start humping his car. Gay pride wknd, got to love it. That prompted a discussion among us about if that sort of behavior and "pride" helps the cause of the homosexual population as a whole. (I claim it doesn't but I don't want to get into that right now.) Mack had a pretty hilarious quote. His point was that "Christians don't show pride on Christmas by lighting shit on fire or humping Frosty the Snowman in the middle of an intersection." Interesting point.

I saw Mack off to the airport then B and I took the L to meet up with D Fo and S Dot at the sox game. We show up late but still see a lot of baseball and have a great time. It was a Sox-Cubs game so people were extra-belligerent. People who trivialize sports by saying "it's just a game" don't really get sports. People care and care a lot about this shit to the point where they are willing to risk and inflict psychological and physical harm. The fact that people care so much means sports do matter. Anyone from Pittsburgh or who went to ND knows this.

After the game B and I went out to dinner on Belmont. We sat outside. It was nice. Very enjoyable. I had a great night.

Jenn had a pretty awesome quote. We were watching My Sweet Sixteen on MTV. The bitches on there are really fucking annoying. Jenn, out of nowhere, says "If I had a dick I would punch them with it." Couldn't have said it better myself. Err, I wouldn't imply that I don't have a dick though...

Notes from prior days that I never wrote about:

-We went to a street festival on Belmont and Sheffield. This band was playing that I've seen a few times. Getting drink required great patience and agility due to the crowd and carrying 8 at a time. That night we went to the Lake Shore Theatre, which is a comedy club, to see Aziz Ansari of The Human Giant. This is my favorite new show. He was quite hilarious. Very few people showed up for the show. Again, how does that place stay open? Oh, also we ate at some Thai place and observed some drugged out dude do laps up and down the street.

-Peeps from my office and I went out to Citizen bar and Hugo's frog bar with my boss. My boss is an ass but I also like him. He's somewhat of a cartoon character. He's very insecure and exhibits the usual signs. *Has* to be dressed nicely, feigned ego, etc. I mean, he's got a 250 bottle wine refrigerator... However, it's possible I'm being unfair. In my first year in the "real world" I realize that perception is reality in this business. So. Ridiculously. True. Maybe he just knows how to play it.

-A couple weekends ago we had an office outing at Midtown. MIA bought a drink called the Loop. She couldn't even get through 10% of it. So since people call me "the Medic" (see my downing of "the Shark" from a previous entry) I determined I must heal (kill?) this wounded soldier. The thing was basically 100% Bombay Sapphire. Tempo would've loved it. I however, though it was pretty brutal even though I downed it rather quickly. That shit went straight to my head and I swear I wasn't right until about 24 hours later.

Las Vegas: Poker, Death, and Boobs (Update #2)

D Fo, Tempo, M Fo (our friend and D Fo's bro), and I all left for Las Vegas on Wednesday. The flight was gloriously uneventful and I slept most of the way. Slots are the first things to greet you out of the airplane. Awesome. I could tell immediately how dry it was compared to Chicago. Vegas is the farthest west I’ve been so the hot and dry weather was new but was exactly as I expected it to be.

We dropped our stuff off at the hotel and headed straight to the casinos. The Vegas strip was smaller than I expected but made up for it in it’s compactness. The casinos seemed to all mesh together and it’s difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins.

First stop is Caesar’s. We go straight to the poker room. This will be our bread and butter for the trip. The first night was the most fun for me. I was making money, and most importantly, I liked most of the people at our table. I took this latter point for granted at the time. We were seated there were a few lawyers and a couple relatively cool people on vacation. Later in the trip I realize this situation is an exception; Las Vegas has it's fair share of freaks. Well, I guess anywhere has a lot of freaks. The difference is you are forced to interact with them at the poker table.

The main problem with Caesar's was the cocktail waitresses were *busted*. There were some that had to be pushing 50, although there were some diamonds in the rough. I use "diamonds" loosely however. I don't really care though. Just bring me my drink. But at the Wynn, however, they are ridiculous.

The first night was probably the most fun for me. I was up pretty decently and was pretty drunk. The next morning I woke up on my own at like 830. I was wide awake. Tempo asks if I want to go work out and I say "YEAH!" immediately. M Fo comes out of nowhere and says "YEAH!" as well. We were all wide awake. We thought there was something in the water. I never work out in the morning. I wish I could because you can lift more during the day.

That day we went to the Mirage, I believe. I did not like this place at all. You definitely get into more of the "fanny pack" crowd here versus the other casinos. The poker room was total clownshoes because it was clustered in with the rest of the hotel and the people there were especially lame. I hate it when people get a few good cards and lucky hands and they automatically think they're badasses. You're not a badass. This is low limit. Plus you don't understand the game. Over the short term it's all about the cards.

That night at the tables there was this kid from Texas who was getting a bunch of shit from this huge older woman seated next to him because he hunts. She’s giving him a really hard time about killing innocent little animals or whatever and the grizzly-looking older guy next to me says under his breath “I hunt people.” For a second I think he’s joking so I laugh, but the laugh transitions into a muted nervous giggle as I start to realize this guy is scary-looking enough to be serious. I assumed he was in Vietnam, but when I asked him he said he served in the FBI. He was in drug enforcement, apparently. I though that’s what the DEA was for, but what do I know. I believe this guy. He goes on to say how he was undercover and doing this huge drug deal. He had half a mildo in his car and someone rolled up on him and shot him twice in the chest to steal his flow. Our guy, however, was able to draw his gun and shot him right in the eye. Good. Lord. I just came to have fun and play some cards...

The next day we were playing at the MGM Grand. The guy next to me lost a hand and said it was easier to lose that given he just got an unexpected 150K. I ask how he got it (after I ask I immediately regret it bc I see what's coming) and he says very casually and somewhat jovially "my aunt just committed suicide." I just came to have fun and play some cards...

We went to BOA on Friday night. I had a Kobe steak. It was tasty.

The last night of cards was brutal. I was up money but I started to crash physically. The vodka Sobes (they didn't have red bull so they used sobe energy drink) started to wear on my stomach and weren't keeping me awake. Plus there were some total lameasses at our table. The most glaring was this 32 year old woman who was acting like she was 12. She kept giving me and Tempo shit for no good reason. The pointless banter was getting really annoying.

We leave the table and go to meet up with the rest of the crowd at Casino Royale. Tempo and I are crashing fast. There's this big dude named Chris who is with D Fo at the craps table. I knew he was from the south since he was giving me shit for my pink shirt. "Orson" from college football blog edsbs.com and his wife were with M Fo across the room. It was cool meeting him bc I read that site on a regular basis. If you like football at all it's worth reading the site. Good stuff.

Tempo and I leave early. Finding a cab is rough but we eventually get home. I feel *really* close to death. I had awful nightmares.

Vegas was *awesome* but getting home was great. When I got to my place I felt like I had been gone for-ev-er.

Other Notes:

D Fo said that the exchange rate in LV is 75c on the dollar. I would say this is a gross understatement. Vegas made me feel *poor*. I was playing on the kiddie (read: low-limit) tables and that was pushing my tolerance for monetary swings and risk. D Fo lost $100 in like 15 minutes next to me at the Mirage (I call him out on this only because he was up a bajillion dollars on the trip as a whole. Winning a multitable poker tournament helps.) Plus the minimum per hand at the black jack tables at these casinos was $15, so money goes flying.

There's something about Vegas that makes girls bust out as much boob and leg as humanly possible. Girls who normally dress like this:


start dressing like this:

I think most girls have a wardrobe and then a separate wardrobe, which is maybe in a separate drawer or something, labeled "vegas" that has a completely different set of clothes. I say this because basically everyone was dressing ridiculously.

We didn’t do the obligatory strip club trip mainly because we are not shady enough or in the mood to blow even more phat cash. Probably the latter rather than the former but whatever. That was ok wit me since I’m interested in only one girl. =).

…she's a stripper named Candi with an “i” and she wasn’t in town that weekend. Haha, ;-).

Update:

Tempo reminded me of a sequence of events that I had originally forgot to mention. One night I got pretty damn wasted and got in one of my semi-belligerent yet playful moods. This one guy across from me got some Scotch and I said something like "that's my boy" because I was likin the Whiskey play. However he just nursed the shit out of it for the next couple hours and it was slightly bothering me. He lost a hand and I said "You would've won that hand if you would drink your drink." I didn't realize this was somewhat "dick" when I said it but I understood once I guaged J Tempo's reaction.

Another time our dealer summoned a cocktail waitress really quitely and I called her out and said "they might hear you if you speak louder."

The third event was when Josh won a hand I was in. I don't rember exactly what he had or what went down but I do remember saying "fuck you" to him after he won the hand. Again, like all the other instances this was playful, but the dealer effectively "shushed" me and told me not to swear. I was utterly dumbfounded by this and said sarcastically "I'm sorry. I forgot I was in a casino!" She did not appreciate this.

Also, Tempo called D Fo winning the poker tournament that night. Good call. Although not surprising really.

To give you a good idea of how intense our poker playing was (and how unlucky M Fo was), M Fo woke up screaming one night due to a bad dream about a poker hand. Awesome.

Drink Spectrum

I've postulated that one can create a spectrum of drinks with most manly on one end and most girly on the other. I will attempt to draft this.

Note that this is a working list. I would appreciate comments as to what to move/add.

Manly
Straight Bourbon and Scotch
Other types of whisk(e)y
Manly Martinis et al (eg Vodka and Gin Martini, Manhattan)
Malt Liquor (eg Colt 45, Extreme Rock Head)
Manly Mixed Drinks (eg Vodka Tonic)
Most Beers
Girly Beers (eg beers that you put fruit in)
Mohitos
Girly Mixed Drinks (eg Vanilla Stoli and Diet)
Girly Martinis
Smirnoff Ice, etc.
Cosmopolitans
The Pink Panty
Girly