So I've officially moved out of the Octagon and into [insert TBD name here]. The physical move itself hasn't been too bad, but the transformation of [TBD] into a livable space is another story. My complete lack of "stuff" combined with time and resource constraints, exhaustion, and my ever-constant cycle of procrastination has made the transition a bit harrowing. The evolution in stages:
Stage 1
Country analog: Afghanistan, specifically the mountains
State: It's cold because I can't figure out how to turn the heat on. There are boxes, a desk, a desk chair and a bare mattress.
Anecdotes:
-Someone yells outside who is either getting taken away by the Taliban or is mentally disturbed.
-My main source of light in the living room is a desk lamp next to a pile of flattened cardboard boxes. It looks like I'm about to interrogate a captured soldier or some shit.
Stage 2
Country analog: Sudan
State: Same as Stage 1 but now it's hot as balls b/c my heat seems to have only one speed. 11.
Anecdotes: I had to take my shirt off while unpacking. Calm down, ladies.
Stage 3
Country analog: Mexico
State: I figured out the heating system. I now have a computer fired up. Internet access is stolen and very shoddy. Also, I have a shower curtain up that's held up by twist ties. (I didn't buy a full-fledged shower curtain yet bc I'm leaving these details to a female)
Anecdotes:
-I cut a pizza with a swiss army knife
-I ate a jello snack with no utensils. I tried to eat some ice cream like this but failed miserably.
-I opened a guinness bottle with a screwdriver and a lighter.
Stage 4
Country analog: Slovakia
State: Internet and television are fully operational. I have plastic silverware. Still no phone or furniture.
Anecdotes:
-I sat hard on a 1.5" carpet staple. It felt like it sounds.
-The television is a projector projecting onto a brick wall. Brick wall isn't the greatest projector screen. I'll upload a picture below.
So, I still sit at stage 4. The goal is Stage 10000: AMUHHRICA, BITCHES WHOOOOO BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A EAT A DICK WORLD WOOOO FORD TRUCKS in a week or 2.
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11 comments:
You should call your place "The Brick."
We could brick on each other at the Brick, drop a brick at the Brick, or just look at bricks at the Brick.
Brick.
I second the motion for naming your place "The Brick."
You could also try "Stankonia," but I don't know if the ladies would love it. I think "The Brick" is pretty cool too, though.
Wow, I would agree that The Brick is a badass name for your spot.
Damn, "The Brick" sounds sick.
What's the deal with The Brick?
- Jerry Seinfeld
Man, this post is popular. You're a pretty funny guy. You should update your shit more often.
-Frank
He's heating up!
He's on fire!
Boom, bout go douched!
When. You. Don't. Update. Your. Blog. I. Have. No. Social. Life.
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