I posted this as a craigslist ad last week

Sadly, no one responded.


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I play in a cornhole league at a bar with some friends and none of these clowns can make it next week (May 19th), so I need to find someone to fill in. This lucky person can bring a friend too if desired.

Requirements:
-21 to 30 years old
-At least 1 year cornhole experience
-Knowledge of basic cornhole strategy/rules, including scoring, use of guards (especially against certain opponent shot trajectory types), psychological tactics, etc.
-Skill level to where you can score on average at least 5 points (gross rather than net) a turn
-Ability to perform in adverse playing conditions, including but not limited to: low ceilings, hanging televisions, annoying music, leering people, bathroom attendants, poor lighting, and waitstaff walking randomly in between boards
-You must call the act of sinking 4 bags in a turn a 'Jumanji' because this is the proper term

Please contact and include an essay about why you should be my partner. It must be at least 150 words in length -- this is not Twitter. Not required, but please also provide a picture of yourself holding something corn-related with a thumbs-up, just so I can confirm what you look like, which may also help me believe that you're not some sort of freak.

#2 Internet Thing

CAKE SONG



You will go insane if you watch this enough. I use to be a completely normal person before I saw this.

PS, THIS CHICK IS MAD HOT JUST KIDDING SHE'S LIKE 12 LOL

#3 Internet Thing

http://jurassicparkwtf.ytmnd.com/

Gets me every time.

#4 Internet Thing

I LOVE THIS LITTLE GUY. My goal in life is to start sneezing like this.

N64 controller hooked up to my TV in my hotel. Someone needs to tell management it's not 1995 anymore.

#5 Internet Thing

#5 Nightmare Fuel

This isn't actually called 'nightmare fuel,' I dubbed it that. This is the creepiest youtube video I've ever seen and it's not even close.

#6 Internet Thing

#6 Frisbee Seppuku

http://www.realultimatepower.net/ninja/seppuku.htm

Wait. Die. You have to be really super pissed. And makes sure your parents aren't around.

#7 Internet Thing

#7 Yelling Bird Twitter

Elegantly offensive and over-the-top http://twitter.com/yelling_bird

"LISTEN FOR THE LAST TIME I NEED *ALL* OF YOUR BONES FOR MY BONE ALTAR AND I DON'T *CARE* IF YOU HAVE TO MISS SCHOOL BECAUSE OF IT"

#8 Internet Thing

#8 Goat/Usher mashup

http://www.youtubedoubler.com/?video1=iTRS6FJkJFU&start1=3&video2=VgAXZHMi_ws&start2=0&authorName=Ann+O%27Nymous

Here at #8 is where we start to get into some real awesome shit. Like, this could have gone #1. Hell, just the goat by itself could've gone #1. Someone needs to bring this goat on american idol.

#9 Internet Thing

#9 Juggernaut Bitch



I love this because I loved the Xmen growing up (well, I guess I still do now, hah) and this seems like something I would make.

#10 Internet Thing

#10 Brian Peppers


http://www.snopes.com/photos/people/peppers.asp




Another tragedy of the internet. The glory of this is it's ok to laugh at him, you insensitive asshole, because he's a sexual predator.

Spam In Images

I was going through my spam folder and found a wonderful email from Deborau Bastu, who entitled his (her?) email HotBlackChickInBlowjobAction. It began:

"cocked hats of the usually capacious the oriole is a timid bird and is glad to rear up its family under the aegis"

Thanks for the email, Deborau. I thought I'd depict the email an image, so we can truly understand what he was trying to communicate.



SCRUMTULESCENT!

#11 Internet Thing

#11 Old woman punch



Another video with great replay value. She got hit *SQUARE* and didn't go down. No glass jaw on this old broad. Assailant obviously headed off to the gym to work on her right a little bit more.

#12 Internet Thing

Hot chicks

#13 Internet Thing

#13 Tunak



This is so damn cheaply made. It also reinforces countless stereotypes. His crazy "rising Y" dance kills me.

#14 Internet Thing

#14 Laughing Triquarter Hat Guy


http://www.hetemeel.com/hahashow.php?headline=You&text=are%20poor!!!!

I just love this guy and the fact that you can put in your own text.