I posted this as a craigslist ad last week

Sadly, no one responded.


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I play in a cornhole league at a bar with some friends and none of these clowns can make it next week (May 19th), so I need to find someone to fill in. This lucky person can bring a friend too if desired.

Requirements:
-21 to 30 years old
-At least 1 year cornhole experience
-Knowledge of basic cornhole strategy/rules, including scoring, use of guards (especially against certain opponent shot trajectory types), psychological tactics, etc.
-Skill level to where you can score on average at least 5 points (gross rather than net) a turn
-Ability to perform in adverse playing conditions, including but not limited to: low ceilings, hanging televisions, annoying music, leering people, bathroom attendants, poor lighting, and waitstaff walking randomly in between boards
-You must call the act of sinking 4 bags in a turn a 'Jumanji' because this is the proper term

Please contact and include an essay about why you should be my partner. It must be at least 150 words in length -- this is not Twitter. Not required, but please also provide a picture of yourself holding something corn-related with a thumbs-up, just so I can confirm what you look like, which may also help me believe that you're not some sort of freak.