What's this? Real content? Holy shit!

I am moving to a new place next weekend and we all know the most important things to do when relocating-- changing your address, hiring movers, set up mail forwarding, and, most obviously, becoming familiar with local sexual predators.



So let's take a look courtesy of http://www.familywatchdog.us/.

Name: Richard Stevens

Conviction: CHILD PORNOGRAPHY/FILM/TAPE/PHOTO
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 182
Age: 56
Nickname: Bones
Initial Take: The thinking's man sexual predator. He appears to have a smug sense of contempt for you and your society's antediluvian erotic age restrictions. How dare you.
Action Plan: Despite my boyish good looks, I don't think this guy will come after me. He's a little heaver than me, but I probably have a reach advantage. He's pretty old, so assuming he doesn't have a weapon I should be ok. Given his weak-sauce conviction and collared shirt, I'm not worried about this dude.


Name: George Stockton
Conviction: SEXUAL EXPLOITATION/EXPOSE ORGANS
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 170
Age: 37
Nickname: Spud
Initial Take: I'm not sure if this guy's here to fix my computer or rape me. He's clearly in the smile-during-mugshot school of thought, which I've never truly understood. Perhaps they think if you smile, it has a higher chance of being mistaken for a glamor shot? I'm also going to go out on a limb here and say he's gay.
Action Plan: My post-new years crowded gym locker room has reminded me of how much I hate naked guys. I hate naked guys about as much as I like naked girls. So, I'm pretty damn scared of this guy and his 'organs'. Keep them to yourself, son. I am straight up scared of this guy. If I see him, I will run.

I have a couple more which I'll try to publish tomorrow or early next week. Can't be too careful.