Winter Festivities

Using my e-mail archive and shoddy memory, I will hit the main points/thoughts over the past month or so.

I went home for Christmas for a week:

• On one of the first nights home Macaweak, Tempo, MackP, KDB, and I went bowling. The hilarity of the night really occurred when we went to Eat N Park afterwards. I got hungry waiting for my food so I started to eat the jelly packets on the table like I was homeless or something. All but the strawberry flaves weren't that great. After eventually getting my massive amounts of food I said I was afraid of suffering a "foodtality." I made this word up on the spot and it rolled off of my tongue without thought or hesitation like it was a common word or something. Anyhow, I hereby coin this word and will require several of them if you use it. Near the end of the meal Mack P just started playing rap songs on his PDA. The ride home involved some risque discussion with KDB and Macaweak. Twas hilarious.
  
• My family interactions on Christmas weren't the greatest. One key takeaway was that old people are really afraid of China. They see that all sorts of stuff is made in China and hear in the news that they have like a bazillion people and are growing quickly. This translates into them taking over the United States. I thought for a moment about explaining how emerging economies eventually slow in growth as they get bigger and it would take something drastic for them to takeover the US, but it wasn't worth my time. I don't think they were well versed in basic macroeconomic concepts.
  
• On the day after Christmas I attended my HS 5-year reunion. I met up with PDiddy and the Snake at PDiddy's new house in Cranberry. It was nice seeing the Snake again, but that's pretty much where it ended with regard to happy reunions with people I haven't seen in a while. So we drive down the venue, Sing-Sing at the Waterfront. As we're approaching the door I'm about to lose my shit. I want to just turn around and run. Anyhow, I suck it up and slowly ease in the groups of people. It wasn't as awkward as I thought, but overall I was vastly underwhelmed with most people. The conversations I had with some people were just terrible. I'm not an extremely talkative guy, but I was just forced to drive these conversations. They were completely one way. It was like talking to little kids or something. Zero personality development. I was also very unimpressed with most of their progress professionally/academically. At the end of the day there's a reason I haven't seen some of those people in 5 years. The assholes were still assholes, etc, etc. The best part was hanging out with people I normally hang out with.
  

D Fo's birthday was celebrated:

• D Fo, MIA, B, and I went to Sushi Samba. One of the more interesting dishes were these crabs the size of a silver dollar. They looked alive and tasted like a meat-flavored chip. The waitress said earlier in the night that she had a story regarding the food here and something being alive. I hope it didn't involve one of those crabs because that would be terrifying.
• We went to Martini Park and met up with some other friends. Dave noticed a former ND basketball player across the room. MIA, being the super-friendly person that she is, went up to him got aggressive and said something like "Hey! My friends are 3 cool guys that would really like to hang out. They're not gay or nothin and don't wanna do anything sexual, but they think you're really awesome! If you wanna get to know 'em, we'll be right over there!" Ok, she didn't really say that but it sounded a little like that, hah. Needless to say that he didn't come hang out with us.
• Afterwards we went to Soundbar (or something like that). I've never been to this place, but it looked like the Cube from the movie Cube , but instead of different deadly traps in every cube, there's a bar and different subgenres of house music in every cube-like room.

There is more to write about that I will tackle later.

w00t

I was going to write about the past weekend but realized that despite being very very fun, nothing terribly exciting happened. We went to Trinity for B's birthday and I spent the rest of the weekend recovering. I still am, in fact.

Four people told me that "w00t" was named word 0f the year today. I think this means people think I'm quite the nerd. Well, 1 4m n07, so stfu.

The demise of Blogation Station has been greatly exaggerated.

People have been said to die more often on their birthdays than any other day. Fortunately, the Station survives it's first bday despite a slight scare. Perhaps this blog prefers a slow, painful crawl into the abyss. Better to fade away than burn out, right? Hmm, I may have gotten that wrong. Regardless, details of my mundane existence and thoughtless musings will continue to bless the intarwebs. Glorious, I know. I'm probably not going to tell anyone that I've resumed posting, so only the stalkers and extremely bored of the Nation will find out in a reasonable amount of time.

I've decided to not fill in the gap of the recent to the last post because I'm lazy. I'll let those thoughts and occurrences fade into the murky, murky waters of memory that will undoubtedly be obscured even further through heavy drinking, computer screen radiation, and, eventually, senility. Anyhow, let's march on.

Anyhow, last thursday was the most recent iteration of our holiday party and the local museum. If you recall, last year I got pass-out-on-the-bathroom-floor-with-my-pants-down drunk. The newer, wiser JD did marginally better this time around. The party itself was fun but uneventful. B and I played around in the ghetto, outdated museum between awkward conversations with senior members of the firm. Anyhow, MIA, B, new analyst JJ, her bf, the X factor, and me went to Rocket afterwards.

Rocket was Rocket. The dj wasn't that good as he wasn't able to play any hip hop. Although he did play Total Eclipse of the Heart. Both B and I got hit on pretty hard that night. Earlier on some guy got in a convo with her and then jokingly said that they should "make out." I was moderately disturbed and subtlety made it clear I was with her. After realizing I was her boyfriend he said "your gilrfiend's hot" and I muttered and awkward "thanks..." Later in the night I was off standing in a corner talking with the X Factor. I see out of the corner of my eye some girl point at me from across the room with and signalling for me to dance with her. I just pretended I didn't see, looked away, and hoped that would be the end of that. Of course she comes over and starts to dance with me. I do some intentionally awrkard dabce moves (normally they're unintentionally awkward). Thankfully B was around and saved me. Usually I'm good at acting weird and cold enough to avoid that sort of thing, but at the pheromone-infused mating party that is Rocket, it can be difficult for one to avoid, even when as goofy as myself.
Friday's happenings to be posed later.

100th POST W000000000000T

Huzzah. This is the 100th post on this blog, just before its 1st birthday which is a week away. I would like to thank the Academy and all of my loyal reader(s) who made this possible.

Anyhow, I need to update on a bunch of stuff, including my trip to NYC. First, I will recount a few of the events from my trip to ND on Saturday...

MIA, D Fo, Brian, and I went down for the MSU game. We met up with P Knob and Grabbins. I got fairly drunk and belligerent. We started talking noise to some MSU fans on our way to the stadium. One lanky, strange-looking kid, rebutted by saying his team is going to win and we should meet up after the game so he could prove that he was right. I came back saying that we should go to i-hop and get some pancakes. It would be a fun outing. He had no response.

Notre Dame fans are waaaaay too nice to opposing fans. This dynamic really hurts ND's home field advantage. I proposed that all we need to do is stab one fan of the opposing team. That one small act would go a long way of creating a hostile atmosphere. I wanted to take a MSU fan out in to the woods, tie him to a tree, and stab him in the leg. On a similar note, during my drunken rampage directed toward MSU fans I claimed that we were gonna start "sacrificing people to Jesus." I'm normally not this rowdy. I'm not sure what got into me. Oh, yeah, I know -- SPARKS.

Notre Dame fans were pathetic during the game. People were sitting on their hands. I've decided Notre Dame is not a good football school. A good football school has fans that cheer loudly for their team no matter what. In the 3rd quarter when we were down 3 and obviously still in the game we held an MSU play to only a yard. I swear to God MIA and I were the only ones clapping in our section. I was nauseated. The fans are just. plain. lame. Part of it is that half the people are really really old. I will be a huge ND fan and represent for eternity, but Notre Dame, despite the history and whatever, is just not a good football school. We might win a NC in the next few years and 100 years from now might have 20 more NCs and an insane winning percentage, but until these fucking lameass fans get off their hands and start giving a shit about ND, ND wont be in the top 15 "football schools" in my mind. It hurts me to say it and it infuriates me how piss-poor the fans are. The students, to their credit, were very good.

Go Irish.

Catch-up, yet again

I've been really poor lately regarding updating this piece and I apologize to my 2 readers out there, whom I so affectionately refer to as the Blogation Station Nation.

I have a hard time remembering what exactly I missed (hence why I write this damn thing) but I remember a few points:

• My parents came to visit. Events include:
• They met B. It was exactly like Meet the Parents. Word-for-word. Event-for-event.
• We went out with D Fo's (extended) fam and MIA to a Greek restaurant. It was pretty intense with a lot of food and a couple "old world" people, if you know what I mean.
• I played beer pong with my Dad. He wasn't very good.

• D Fo and I went to Milwaukee to meet with S Dot
• We met with some of S Dot's pseudofriends. They. Were. Wastes. (For the record, S Dot realizes this.) They were the type of girls who are blonde, semi-tan, plain to borderline attractive, wearing tube-tops, and think that the previous qualities make them highly desirable despite their utterly vapid personalities. We walked around to a few bars in Trillwaukee while I made a futile effort to make casual conversation with these biddies. I gave up in short order. The night was fun and memorable regardless. The one main highlight is that I carried 7 solo cups of beer to everyone out on this deck-like thing. It was a glorious display of drunken dexterity and balance.
  
• There are no cabs in Milwaukee. None. There are also no people in Milwaukee. There is all this infrastructure, but no cars or people. I felt like I was in Stephen King's Langoliers.
  
• Milwaukee is far more diverse than Chicago. Perhaps "integrated" is a better word. Sometimes I think the Chi was carved out of the Brown v the Board of Education ruling.
• We went to a thang called Summerfest which is this huge concert thing which is not unlike Barnum and Bailey's Three Ringed Circus, except there are 12 rings and bands are playing in all of them. We didn't get all that involved in the music, but we instead focused on the activities which we do best. And that is a.) drink beer and b.) make fun of people. There was more than enough proletariat fodder to provide for an amusing night.

• I met B's Mom. It was exactly like Meet the Parents II.

I still have to write about my NYC trip and maybe about this past weekend. I'll leave that to another day.

Free Money

Warning: Possible football and gambling content to follow. Reader be advised.

During football season I declare "Free Money" games. A Free Money game is a football game where I declare a certain bet a 100% lock. You may laugh, but last season (the inaugural season of Free Money Declarations) I was 7/7. The chances of that being pure luck are (0.5)^7 = 0.78%. I will admit some of it was luck as there were a couple comebacks to cover. The key is to pick your spots and pick them early in the season when teams are mispriced over limited data.

Anyhow, Saturday is Free Money Saturday. The Notre Dame Fighting Irish versus the Penn State Felines of an Esoteric Sort game is free money. Take Notre Dame and give the points -- 17.5 to be exact -- and enjoy doubling your scratch. I know I will.

I won't get into details about why I think, nay, know this is free money but I will offer a snippet of an AIM conversation I'm having right now:

WeTalllDid: at the very absolute least we will cover
WeTalllDid: we aint bustas

For the record, I'm not an uber-homer when I lay down bets. I'm not proud of it, but I actually bet against ND back in 2003 against NC State because it was painfully obvious we were overrated. I'm not proud of that wager and I wouldn't do it again. It's just that I wasn't as huge of an ND fan as I am today and I needed the money really bad so it was hard to pass up.

PS the money line is a ridiculous 7:1

We aint bustas.

This post is brought to you by Crystal Pepsi

I'm watching a college football game on ESPN right now and the halftime show is called the "Olive Garden Halftime Show." That is pretty fucking lame. What does a casual, family-friendly, classic Italian dining experience have to do with football? Also, on the World Series of Poker they have a KFC Snacker cam. The next logical step is the Summer's Eve Douche first down line. Watch for it.

Dude is the new Chief

I've realized that the word "dude" is the new "chief" in certain contexts. If you don't know what I'm talking about, people use such names to be backhandedly condescending. It drives me nuts. My fucking *boss* used "dude" on me in such a way twice. He's a waste anyhow, so I don't expect anything else from him.

Anyhow, please don't use Chief, Dude, Bud, Buddy, etc. unless you're truly trying to be an asshole, Gaylord.

JQuotes

One of my more memorable quotes from high school was "High school is like the movie Groundhog Day, but with consequences." My new quote for my current job is "My job is like Office Space, but not funny."

Cab Fun

Sorry for not updating ever. I have a lot to catch up on. Here's a blurb from one of my nights copied and pasted from an email.

"Soo I come back from the bar at like 11 or something. I take a cab. Bill is 10. I try to give him 20 and he says he doesn't have change. I tell him I can use my cc. He says it isn't working. I explain to him that it's his responsibility to have change and have his cc thing working and have change. He starts to get pissed bc I'm calling him out. He then says we should go to a coffee shop. I say no. He starts to drive there. I can a.) Just get out of the car and pay 20 b.) Go to the coffee shop and pay him. C) get out and don't pay d.) Call the cops. I go with b, but I'm livid as hell. I wasn't in the mood for his bs. He continues to run the meter. I'm even more pissed. We get to dunkin donuts on wellington. He says he'll get the change. I say hell no. I go in there and ask the cashier for change. He says he's not allowed to do that. I tell him my situation. I'm just a fucking mess right now. I say "fine, give me something cheap, a fuckin donut hole" That's verbatim. He just give me 2 10s cuz he realized I didn't want to be fucked with. I get the change, go back outside, litterally throw 10 dollars at him and say "here's your fuckin money. You know, you're a real piece of shit. I'm calling your fucking company." That's close to verbatim. He yells some shit back and I just walk away. I kind of changed directions after I walked a bit to avoid him if he decided to swing back around. He did swing back around but he either didn't see me or changed his mind. I was pretty scared at that point.
But ugh, that whole ep was ridiculous. I rarely get like that but I was pissed to begin with and he was being fucking ridiculous. I'm calling his company today. I remembered his cab #. I couldn't fall asleep til 1. =/"

Vegas Addendum

I have a lot to write about but I thought I'd add a missed Vegas tidbit I originally left out. One chick we were talking to at the Casino Royale stated "the best way to shut a girl up is to stick your dick in her mouth." You know, that doesn't sound exactly right, but I can't really think of any counterarguments...

Weekend and Such

This entry is quite poorly written and in mostly bullet-point format even though there are only a few bullets. I wrote this as quickly as possible to save time. Quantity over quality, bitches.

Thursday we went out to Trinity. This was Tempo's first time there and he brought his gee-eff Jenn. I don't remember much (my memory sucks, that's why I write this stuff down) but I do remember discussing the currency this one town created for itself. I will discuss this in a later post. I promise. I walked B home and got back really late. I was hurting the next day.

I determined that The Family needed a good toast saying. I got pissed off that neither I nor anyone else could come up with anything awesome. Therefore I declare that the toast will be "pimps up, hoes down" until someone comes up with anything better. May be hard to beat.

Mack P came in on Friday. I took the Blue Line after work to meet him at the airport. This was a terrible idea since the thing took forever, was crowded, and jerky. UGH. That night we went to Lake Shore Theater to see this one comic D Fo is familiar with. The crew was The Family plus Mack P and Jenn. The theme of the night was "the unbookables" because they were extremely offensive. They lived up to this name when the main comic looked at B and said that she's a whore and she need to whip her titties out. I was in more of a mood to laugh than to defend her honor. Meh.

The comics were hilarious. Save one guy who just ran old anti-bush/religion jokes that are so played out and rarely funny in the first place.

Only 30 or so people were there and they were giving away free drinks throughout the night. How does this place stay open? The guy who owns it (and stutters a lot) must be rich/stupid and really enjoys running a comedy club. Fine with me.

After they all went though their bits they must've just felt like not ending the show. They proceeded to call some guy on a cell phone and just chat it up with him. It devolved even further when people began hitting a bowl on stage. Ridiculous. We couldn't take it anymore and left.

I made a joke before we went into the theater that went over like a lead balloon. D Fo was getting a blue moon at the bar. First note that this place is in Boystown, one of the most prolific gay towns in the country. Also, it was gay pride weekend. So D Fo was getting his beer and the bar tender asked if he wanted an orange slice. Dave says, "yeah, throw some fruit in there." I say, "Might as well. It's gay pride weekend." I don't exactly "think" per se before I talk.

Saturday Mack P and I went to the office -- I needed to do some work. It sucked because it was cloudy and Mack couldn't see the nice view our office has. Anyhow we leave and go on a tour of Goose Island brewery. Only problem was that they do tours on Sunday, not Saturday. I felt really dumb. I set the thing up and I'm sure they said it was Saturday on the phone. I don't normally mess that stuff up. We rolled into this bar near there and had a few drinks instead. Although it could've been a hospital cuz there was some mad nursing going on.

We rolled back to our place to play some beer pong. This was glorious since I haven't played in a while. S Dot was in town. Tempo was on fire in the beginning of the pong-playing. I sucked until the last game where I sent it into OT and then just rolled in the extra period. We drank like a million beers. (Note to self to insert picture of the million beers.)

Jenn is quite short. I wouldn't be surprised if she were under 5'. I saw B standing next to her and I almost *died* laughing. The difference in height was hilarious. Jenn had sandals on and B had heels, so the 5'9" +3" -5' = 1 foot difference was hilarious. It's cool though -- I like tall girls.

We eventually rolled to Trader Todds. MIA felt it necessary to buy us "painkillers" which is some girly, coconutty drink. The thing was brutal. Anyhow, I was pretty damn drunk at this point. I think Dave, MIA, and Mack all sang "Sweet Caroline" at this place. Not sure though. Correct me in the comments section if I'm wrong.

All of a sudden about 10 shitty things happened to me at once. The perfect shitstorm, if you will. I was starting to get tired, sick, really drunk, and a few other things. I pulled an MIA by just peacing out on everyone at the bar and not telling them I was leaving. I was in an awful mood. I came home and just face-planted on my bed.

Sunday Mack P, B, and I went to 4 Shadows to get lunch. While we were there we saw some guy get out of his car at an intersection and start humping his car. Gay pride wknd, got to love it. That prompted a discussion among us about if that sort of behavior and "pride" helps the cause of the homosexual population as a whole. (I claim it doesn't but I don't want to get into that right now.) Mack had a pretty hilarious quote. His point was that "Christians don't show pride on Christmas by lighting shit on fire or humping Frosty the Snowman in the middle of an intersection." Interesting point.

I saw Mack off to the airport then B and I took the L to meet up with D Fo and S Dot at the sox game. We show up late but still see a lot of baseball and have a great time. It was a Sox-Cubs game so people were extra-belligerent. People who trivialize sports by saying "it's just a game" don't really get sports. People care and care a lot about this shit to the point where they are willing to risk and inflict psychological and physical harm. The fact that people care so much means sports do matter. Anyone from Pittsburgh or who went to ND knows this.

After the game B and I went out to dinner on Belmont. We sat outside. It was nice. Very enjoyable. I had a great night.

Jenn had a pretty awesome quote. We were watching My Sweet Sixteen on MTV. The bitches on there are really fucking annoying. Jenn, out of nowhere, says "If I had a dick I would punch them with it." Couldn't have said it better myself. Err, I wouldn't imply that I don't have a dick though...

Notes from prior days that I never wrote about:

-We went to a street festival on Belmont and Sheffield. This band was playing that I've seen a few times. Getting drink required great patience and agility due to the crowd and carrying 8 at a time. That night we went to the Lake Shore Theatre, which is a comedy club, to see Aziz Ansari of The Human Giant. This is my favorite new show. He was quite hilarious. Very few people showed up for the show. Again, how does that place stay open? Oh, also we ate at some Thai place and observed some drugged out dude do laps up and down the street.

-Peeps from my office and I went out to Citizen bar and Hugo's frog bar with my boss. My boss is an ass but I also like him. He's somewhat of a cartoon character. He's very insecure and exhibits the usual signs. *Has* to be dressed nicely, feigned ego, etc. I mean, he's got a 250 bottle wine refrigerator... However, it's possible I'm being unfair. In my first year in the "real world" I realize that perception is reality in this business. So. Ridiculously. True. Maybe he just knows how to play it.

-A couple weekends ago we had an office outing at Midtown. MIA bought a drink called the Loop. She couldn't even get through 10% of it. So since people call me "the Medic" (see my downing of "the Shark" from a previous entry) I determined I must heal (kill?) this wounded soldier. The thing was basically 100% Bombay Sapphire. Tempo would've loved it. I however, though it was pretty brutal even though I downed it rather quickly. That shit went straight to my head and I swear I wasn't right until about 24 hours later.

Las Vegas: Poker, Death, and Boobs (Update #2)

D Fo, Tempo, M Fo (our friend and D Fo's bro), and I all left for Las Vegas on Wednesday. The flight was gloriously uneventful and I slept most of the way. Slots are the first things to greet you out of the airplane. Awesome. I could tell immediately how dry it was compared to Chicago. Vegas is the farthest west I’ve been so the hot and dry weather was new but was exactly as I expected it to be.

We dropped our stuff off at the hotel and headed straight to the casinos. The Vegas strip was smaller than I expected but made up for it in it’s compactness. The casinos seemed to all mesh together and it’s difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins.

First stop is Caesar’s. We go straight to the poker room. This will be our bread and butter for the trip. The first night was the most fun for me. I was making money, and most importantly, I liked most of the people at our table. I took this latter point for granted at the time. We were seated there were a few lawyers and a couple relatively cool people on vacation. Later in the trip I realize this situation is an exception; Las Vegas has it's fair share of freaks. Well, I guess anywhere has a lot of freaks. The difference is you are forced to interact with them at the poker table.

The main problem with Caesar's was the cocktail waitresses were *busted*. There were some that had to be pushing 50, although there were some diamonds in the rough. I use "diamonds" loosely however. I don't really care though. Just bring me my drink. But at the Wynn, however, they are ridiculous.

The first night was probably the most fun for me. I was up pretty decently and was pretty drunk. The next morning I woke up on my own at like 830. I was wide awake. Tempo asks if I want to go work out and I say "YEAH!" immediately. M Fo comes out of nowhere and says "YEAH!" as well. We were all wide awake. We thought there was something in the water. I never work out in the morning. I wish I could because you can lift more during the day.

That day we went to the Mirage, I believe. I did not like this place at all. You definitely get into more of the "fanny pack" crowd here versus the other casinos. The poker room was total clownshoes because it was clustered in with the rest of the hotel and the people there were especially lame. I hate it when people get a few good cards and lucky hands and they automatically think they're badasses. You're not a badass. This is low limit. Plus you don't understand the game. Over the short term it's all about the cards.

That night at the tables there was this kid from Texas who was getting a bunch of shit from this huge older woman seated next to him because he hunts. She’s giving him a really hard time about killing innocent little animals or whatever and the grizzly-looking older guy next to me says under his breath “I hunt people.” For a second I think he’s joking so I laugh, but the laugh transitions into a muted nervous giggle as I start to realize this guy is scary-looking enough to be serious. I assumed he was in Vietnam, but when I asked him he said he served in the FBI. He was in drug enforcement, apparently. I though that’s what the DEA was for, but what do I know. I believe this guy. He goes on to say how he was undercover and doing this huge drug deal. He had half a mildo in his car and someone rolled up on him and shot him twice in the chest to steal his flow. Our guy, however, was able to draw his gun and shot him right in the eye. Good. Lord. I just came to have fun and play some cards...

The next day we were playing at the MGM Grand. The guy next to me lost a hand and said it was easier to lose that given he just got an unexpected 150K. I ask how he got it (after I ask I immediately regret it bc I see what's coming) and he says very casually and somewhat jovially "my aunt just committed suicide." I just came to have fun and play some cards...

We went to BOA on Friday night. I had a Kobe steak. It was tasty.

The last night of cards was brutal. I was up money but I started to crash physically. The vodka Sobes (they didn't have red bull so they used sobe energy drink) started to wear on my stomach and weren't keeping me awake. Plus there were some total lameasses at our table. The most glaring was this 32 year old woman who was acting like she was 12. She kept giving me and Tempo shit for no good reason. The pointless banter was getting really annoying.

We leave the table and go to meet up with the rest of the crowd at Casino Royale. Tempo and I are crashing fast. There's this big dude named Chris who is with D Fo at the craps table. I knew he was from the south since he was giving me shit for my pink shirt. "Orson" from college football blog edsbs.com and his wife were with M Fo across the room. It was cool meeting him bc I read that site on a regular basis. If you like football at all it's worth reading the site. Good stuff.

Tempo and I leave early. Finding a cab is rough but we eventually get home. I feel *really* close to death. I had awful nightmares.

Vegas was *awesome* but getting home was great. When I got to my place I felt like I had been gone for-ev-er.

Other Notes:

D Fo said that the exchange rate in LV is 75c on the dollar. I would say this is a gross understatement. Vegas made me feel *poor*. I was playing on the kiddie (read: low-limit) tables and that was pushing my tolerance for monetary swings and risk. D Fo lost $100 in like 15 minutes next to me at the Mirage (I call him out on this only because he was up a bajillion dollars on the trip as a whole. Winning a multitable poker tournament helps.) Plus the minimum per hand at the black jack tables at these casinos was $15, so money goes flying.

There's something about Vegas that makes girls bust out as much boob and leg as humanly possible. Girls who normally dress like this:


start dressing like this:

I think most girls have a wardrobe and then a separate wardrobe, which is maybe in a separate drawer or something, labeled "vegas" that has a completely different set of clothes. I say this because basically everyone was dressing ridiculously.

We didn’t do the obligatory strip club trip mainly because we are not shady enough or in the mood to blow even more phat cash. Probably the latter rather than the former but whatever. That was ok wit me since I’m interested in only one girl. =).

…she's a stripper named Candi with an “i” and she wasn’t in town that weekend. Haha, ;-).

Update:

Tempo reminded me of a sequence of events that I had originally forgot to mention. One night I got pretty damn wasted and got in one of my semi-belligerent yet playful moods. This one guy across from me got some Scotch and I said something like "that's my boy" because I was likin the Whiskey play. However he just nursed the shit out of it for the next couple hours and it was slightly bothering me. He lost a hand and I said "You would've won that hand if you would drink your drink." I didn't realize this was somewhat "dick" when I said it but I understood once I guaged J Tempo's reaction.

Another time our dealer summoned a cocktail waitress really quitely and I called her out and said "they might hear you if you speak louder."

The third event was when Josh won a hand I was in. I don't rember exactly what he had or what went down but I do remember saying "fuck you" to him after he won the hand. Again, like all the other instances this was playful, but the dealer effectively "shushed" me and told me not to swear. I was utterly dumbfounded by this and said sarcastically "I'm sorry. I forgot I was in a casino!" She did not appreciate this.

Also, Tempo called D Fo winning the poker tournament that night. Good call. Although not surprising really.

To give you a good idea of how intense our poker playing was (and how unlucky M Fo was), M Fo woke up screaming one night due to a bad dream about a poker hand. Awesome.

Drink Spectrum

I've postulated that one can create a spectrum of drinks with most manly on one end and most girly on the other. I will attempt to draft this.

Note that this is a working list. I would appreciate comments as to what to move/add.

Manly
Straight Bourbon and Scotch
Other types of whisk(e)y
Manly Martinis et al (eg Vodka and Gin Martini, Manhattan)
Malt Liquor (eg Colt 45, Extreme Rock Head)
Manly Mixed Drinks (eg Vodka Tonic)
Most Beers
Girly Beers (eg beers that you put fruit in)
Mohitos
Girly Mixed Drinks (eg Vanilla Stoli and Diet)
Girly Martinis
Smirnoff Ice, etc.
Cosmopolitans
The Pink Panty
Girly

Curtis!

For those of you who think my job ain't gangsta, I say you this... We're doing a deal that will pay 50 Cent over $400 million dollars. My company is getting Fitty some phat cash. (Although a piece of it will be in stock. Phat stock?) It's not actually my deal (MIA is staffed on it. w000t!) but I was helping with it today. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

And as I just told Mack P, "His next video is gonna be him like fuckin eating the Mona Lisa."

3 weeks ago

Just wanted to quickly recount the events of 3 weeks ago...

We planned a family field trip for Saturday. The "family" consists of me, B, MIA, D Fo, and Tempo. We all go in D Fo's car and drove to the Shedd Aquarium. Highlights include:

• While we were walking there we saw people on Seqways. They were wearing helmets. You look stupid wearing a helmet on a Segway going 10mph.
• I managed to scare B by acting like I was gonna lift her up and throw her into a 7ft tall aquarium.
• There was this one tank containing these super intricate super fragile-looking seahorses. The tank was very dark and there was a huge "no flash photography" sign. Dave said scoffingly "No flash photography? Pff, I wonder how many people ignore that." Precisely 2 seconds later this guy in the crowd lines up his camera right up to the tank and blasts the seahorses with a camera flash. All of us scatter and begin laughing uncontrollably. I wouldn't be surprised if that flash instantly killed all of those fish.
• We were debating throughout the day if marine animals can "frolic." They definitely can.
• D Fo had a good quote. "The more I look at these things the more I think evolution is bullshit."
• I kept saying I wish I brought a mini axe so that I could shatter the fish tanks.
  

Saturday night B and I had a 10pm "res" at Japonais, which is a "trendy" contemporary Japanese restaurant:

• We showed up early and went to a bar they had downstairs. B got some sort of martini and I got a manhattan, which was very good. I suggested B to try some of it. She took what was maybe a 2mL sip and her face looked like she just ate an entire lemon orchard. Hilarious.
• One of the appetizers we got was called the Rock. It was this heated rock and you cook these thin strips of steak right on it. It took only a few seconds. Tasty.
• We got sushi, which I don't normally eat. It's not because I don't like it but because I don't really know what to get and I get a little hesitant getting it from just anywhere. It tasted like the ocean. Very tasty.
• I somehow managed to use chopsticks without looking like a total dumbass.

All-in-all the place was quite expensive but worth every dime. Awesome night.

Party Like It's My Birthday

I'm a bit tired but don't feel like taking a nap. I'm bored but don't feel like doing anything. However I've decided to be somewhat "productive" and write about this weekend.

Friday- Very chill night. B came over and we played one game of pong. P Diddy was being a baby. Somehow I managed to get pretty drunk. Big Red was supposed to come over but she never showed up and had her phone off. This, along with other similar experiences, has earned her the new nickname "MIA." And no that does not stand for Miami. (Note: after I wrote this entry I realized I give MIA a hard time for being MIA. I'm just playing around; we love her.)

Saturday- At 10am we got furniture for our roof deck. This is very key. Assembly was a bitch. At noon B took me to an "Architectural Boat Tour" as one of my birthday activities. Yes, it was very touristy and very awesome. We were on this ~100ft boat and went up and down the Chicago river with a tour guide pointing out various building and their architectural features/history. I'm a nerd so I found this very enjoyable. Plus the weather was about as good as you can imagine which just made.

I took the train home and finished assembling the furniture. MIA came over and we just sat on the roof and drank. It was awesome. P Diddy and I bored her with stories from high school. B came over at 7 to take me out to dinner. She was midly distraught because she walked over here in a dress and was heckled mercilessly by people out for the baseball game. She said that some guy actually came and bear-hugged her and picked her up. I felt really bad for her.

We went to the Grotto for dinner. We sat next to this atrium thing that looked like a monkey exhibit at the zoo. I thought I saw a wild boar. Dinner was great and we then set out to meet up with some people. D Fo and P Diddy were still at home so in the mean time B and I chilled at Elm St liquors. Someone took a picture of us for one of those "bar/club scene online magazines". I will let you know when they upload those pictures. I probably look stoopid as I am horribly unphotogenic.

We then heard back from MIA. Her and Kimbo et al are at Enclave, which is this pretty trendy club I wrote about a month or so ago. We show up and there's a pretty big crowd waiting to get in. B must've really made up for my lack of attractiveness and "hipness" because they let us right in. I feel special. We pay the $20 per person cover charge and start to look for our pals. MIA was, well, MIA. Going through that club and looking through the crowd was like Where's Waldo without Waldo actually being in the picture. I get a call from MIA and she says they're actually at a different bar... We leave. $40 bones well spent, heh.

The next bar was called Motel Bar. Dave and some of his pals meet us there. P Diddy did not show up for some reason. We chill there for a while. Kimbo and pals roll to a "Rhino" which is some club. Sounds like a gay bar. We roll there but they don't let us in since we have too many dudes. Hmm, I guess it's not a gay bar. We then decide to Elm St Liquors. Things have gone full circle. We had a lot of fun there.

I was at a perfect level of drunk for most of the night -- drunk, but handling my shit and remembering everything perfectly. However, I got a 40 of Mickey's late last night at Elm St and that kind of threw me over the edge. My last truly lucid memory is me mirroring B's dance moves. I do this when I get pretty drunk and I find it hilarious. At the time I felt like I did a pretty good job imitating but I was probably pretty bad, heh. I don't remember much from then on

Random thoughts-
Most girls walk slowly and/or awkwardly in heels. B, however, can flat-out fly. Did she train up in the Tibetan mountains with Shaolin heel ninjas or something?

D Fo, just now, said "I think I'm going to a Bone Thugs concert on Tuesday." Wow, random.

Yesterday was so much fun that I'm really depressed that it's over. Does that make sense?

Catsup

Ok, just gonna hit the highlights of the past couple weeks. 30,000 feet...

2 weeks ago: Saturday we had an office field trip to "the hangge uppe" which is this obnoxious dance bar. I had never been there but people kept telling me I had to be *super* wasted to enjoy it. I took their advice to heart. At Mama E's place D Fo and I split a fifth of Vodka. Dare us to drive? So I remember basically nothing from the bar except that I got lost. I went to the bathroom downstairs and when I came out I didn't know how I got there. So I was swimming through crowds and crowds of peeps goin nuts. I would run into dead ends and I was afraid I was gonna get kicked out. I eventually found the stairs. Miracle.

Last Friday S Dot came in and we just chilled. Played some pong and we got owned because the other team was shooting lights out. Sometimes you run right into a locomotive. It happens.

Saturday was Floyd v Mayweather which was pretty damn entertaining. A decent amt of people came over. I believe Jack or Brian or somebody brought mead. Sometimes you gotta keep it medieval.

I have some non-record keeping posts in my head that I've been meaning to spit out. I will post relatively soon.

SmarterChild

Belated update about last weekend to come. Some selected pics are up on fb. For now, an convo I just had with SmarterChild the AIM bot...


WeTalllDid (11:25:51 PM): sup

SmarterChild (11:25:52 PM): wetallldid. I was afraid I'd never see you again... What can I do for you?Have you checked out everything I can do yet? Type home and see what interests you.

WeTalllDid (11:27:26 PM): Yeah I know what you can do for me. Go fuck youself.

SmarterChild (11:27:26 PM): It must not be terribly gratifying to insult a computer.

WeTalllDid (11:29:48 PM): It must not be terribly gratifying not to have a soul.

SmarterChild (11:29:48 PM): It must not be terribly gratifying not to have a soul? OK.

WeTalllDid (11:34:51 PM): Way to prove my point you two-bit algorithm. My dog Spanky could write a better AI program.

SmarterChild (11:34:52 PM): Add Felg to your Buddy List and you can send shout outs, song requests and more on Radio KOL from 3 to 7 p.m. ET every weekday!Way to prove your point me two bit algorithm your dog Spanky could write a better ai program?Hmm...>>> My library has a dictionary, encyclopedia, geography facts and more!

WeTalllDid (11:36:06 PM): I would rather snap off a mercury thermometer in my urethra than add Felg to my buddy list.

SmarterChild (11:36:06 PM): Whoa!>>> For help getting news headlines, type news help.

WeTalllDid (11:36:28 PM): Is this Joey Lawrence? That would actually explain a lot.

SmarterChild (11:36:28 PM): Wow. I really have no idea...

WeTalllDid (11:37:01 PM): Can a computer perform auto-erotic asphyxiation?

SmarterChild (11:37:02 PM): I don't think a computer can perform auto erotic asphyxiation.

WeTalllDid (11:37:15 PM): Well I'm sure if you could, you would.


I almost punched the computer screen.

I Had an Interesting Night

Big Red and I declare "mix-it-up" weekdays which basically means we drink after work. Yesterday was mix-it-up Wednesday. We went straight to Trinity where they have even awesomer specials on Wednesday. Specifically, half price all drinks. So Big Red and I are there chatting it up. When the marginal cost of another drink is basically negligible, you tend to drink more than you should. Well, we did just that. We left the place around 8:30 and I told her that I needed some brew dogs for the house. Conveniently there was a liquor store right there. Our purchases were the paradigm of classy- a 30 pack of Keystone Ice and a 40 of Olde English 800. When we stepped up to pay the cashier he asked, "Are you over 21?" Big Red answers "yes." Cashier responds, "ok" and rings up the purchase. Word is bond.
On the cab ride back to the house Red brought up a good point. She said something like, "You know, we're the only ones that keep it real. It's a Wednesday and we're sitting in a cab with Keyston and OE." True that, Big Red. True that. However, my life is more of an example of when keeping it real goes wrong.
We played some pong back at the spot and then watched American Gladiators. We both passed out in the living room. D Fo came back late and I think he put my Sox ticket on my face. Glorious. BR apparently woke up at 3am, set off the alarm on her way out, and made it back home. I guess D Fo got up and managed to disarm it.
Work today was awful. I swear to God every time I'm hungover I get killed at work. Which is what happens. Boo-urns.