#15 Tandem Story
http://www.relationshipcontract.net/x1ChamomileTea.html
This is another old-school one which has stood the test of time, first appearing in 97. My guess is that this is fake, but either way it's pretty great. Both are over the top in their cliches, the female writer more so, if you ask me.
30.4.10
29.4.10
#16 Internet Thing
#16 Badger^100
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/
Second generation hamster dance, basically. But I actually liked this one.
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/
Second generation hamster dance, basically. But I actually liked this one.
28.4.10
#17 Internet Thing
#17 Photoshop Chimeras
GIMME THIS LITTLE GUY NOW. Does he want bread or a chicken? Give him a chicken sandwich then.
84% less scary LOL.
HAY!
GIMME THIS LITTLE GUY NOW. Does he want bread or a chicken? Give him a chicken sandwich then.
84% less scary LOL.
HAY!
27.4.10
26.4.10
#19 Internet Thing
#19 Kid Gets Nailed By Basketball Video
This is one of the first videos I remember being emailed around back in the 90s. What's great about it is that it's so disectable, the craziness of the timing, and how you can see the kid running at the beginning.
This is one of the first videos I remember being emailed around back in the 90s. What's great about it is that it's so disectable, the craziness of the timing, and how you can see the kid running at the beginning.
25.4.10
#20 Internet Thing
#20 Crazy Airplane Photoshop
I love this picture, mainly because I really want this to be real. This would be fast as balls.
I love this picture, mainly because I really want this to be real. This would be fast as balls.
24.4.10
#21 Internet Thing
#21. The Star Wars Kid
This is one of the great martyrs of our generation. He died (read: endures a lifetime of humiliation and pain) for the benefit of an entire people (ie, you, you inconsiderate fuck, laughing your ass off). Well, I guess this analogy is off since he probably didn't do it on purpose. I feel really bad for this kid (because I'm compassionate, unlike your evil-ass ass).
This is one of the great martyrs of our generation. He died (read: endures a lifetime of humiliation and pain) for the benefit of an entire people (ie, you, you inconsiderate fuck, laughing your ass off). Well, I guess this analogy is off since he probably didn't do it on purpose. I feel really bad for this kid (because I'm compassionate, unlike your evil-ass ass).
23.4.10
#22 Internet Thing
#22 http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/ This is the only website on the list, and it's kind of boring to include it, but I just couldn't leave it off. If you follow college football at all, you should read this. The author and I have similar senses of humor, but he does a much better job at being funny IF YOU CAN EVEN BELIEVE THAT.
A website that describes a defensive tackle returning a fumble for a TD looking "like hippo who'd found a particularly tasty hunk of rivergrass and was sprinting to shore to keep the others away from it" is A-okay in my book.
Also, it's sometimes a mastery of being eloquently offensive and crass, as seen in this post, which also perfectly captures how I feel after a Notre Dame loss. "Call me a national park."
If you need further coaxing to read, he often posts gems like this:
A website that describes a defensive tackle returning a fumble for a TD looking "like hippo who'd found a particularly tasty hunk of rivergrass and was sprinting to shore to keep the others away from it" is A-okay in my book.
Also, it's sometimes a mastery of being eloquently offensive and crass, as seen in this post, which also perfectly captures how I feel after a Notre Dame loss. "Call me a national park."
If you need further coaxing to read, he often posts gems like this:
22.4.10
#23 Internet Thing
#23 Insanity Wolf
Not much commentary to be had here. I have no clue what this thing is, but it's funny.
Not much commentary to be had here. I have no clue what this thing is, but it's funny.
21.4.10
#24 of Top 25 favorite internet things ever of all time ever from the internet
#24. LOLCATS
This has pretty much been beaten to death multiple times over, but there are some good ones. Namely...
This has pretty much been beaten to death multiple times over, but there are some good ones. Namely...
20.4.10
Top 25 favorite internet things ever of all time ever from the internet: #25
So I am bored as shit at work today and decided to write down my Top 25 favorite things from the internet, since I am a seasoned internet connoisseur -- a dot-commelier, if you will. (DURRR INTERNET AND WINE COMBO JOKE DURRR) The criteria I used to come up with this list:
1. Magnitude of hilarity/amazement/what-have-you induced.
2. Ability to stand the test of time. There are plenty of things that pop up on a daily or weekly basis that are amazing, but to be enjoyable after years is a completely different test.
3. 'Relative' obscurity. I put relative in quotes because anything good generally gets distributed. Also, this is just one part of the evaluation, so there will be very popular items on the list. However, if my mom has seen it before, it hurts its score.
'Internet Things' can be videos, people, pictures, concepts, or whatever. I put this list together in like 30 min so I'm sure there's a lot that I forgot about that should be on here, but I think it's a good list.
Enough with the buildup for such a silly list. Below is 25. I have it set up where one will automatically be published a day for the next 25 days. One last note - AMERICANS LOVE COUNTDOWN LISTS WOOOO!
#25- The Tron Guy
I secretly envy guys like this. People who are so passionate about a goofy hobby seem to be really happy when doing it, whether you think it's idiotic or not. I'm a pragmatist, so I say if you're into it, go for itHAHA JUST KIDDING WHAT A FAG.
1. Magnitude of hilarity/amazement/what-have-you induced.
2. Ability to stand the test of time. There are plenty of things that pop up on a daily or weekly basis that are amazing, but to be enjoyable after years is a completely different test.
3. 'Relative' obscurity. I put relative in quotes because anything good generally gets distributed. Also, this is just one part of the evaluation, so there will be very popular items on the list. However, if my mom has seen it before, it hurts its score.
'Internet Things' can be videos, people, pictures, concepts, or whatever. I put this list together in like 30 min so I'm sure there's a lot that I forgot about that should be on here, but I think it's a good list.
Enough with the buildup for such a silly list. Below is 25. I have it set up where one will automatically be published a day for the next 25 days. One last note - AMERICANS LOVE COUNTDOWN LISTS WOOOO!
#25- The Tron Guy
I secretly envy guys like this. People who are so passionate about a goofy hobby seem to be really happy when doing it, whether you think it's idiotic or not. I'm a pragmatist, so I say if you're into it, go for itHAHA JUST KIDDING WHAT A FAG.
19.4.10
Weekend update
Just random notes from Mack's wedding weekend, for posterity:
-While out on the streets of downtown Pittsburgh at 230am, a random person comes out of nowhere says "Do you guys want to hear a story about something?" PDiddy immediately replies "NO" to which the guy responds with "yeah... well... FUCK YOU GUYZ FUCK YOU" as he walks away
-We took a vote at 2am to decide whether to continue to go out or head in, which consisted of covering our eyes and putting up one finger for no and two for yes. This is an extremely hare-brained voting method, obviously, but it seemed logical at the time. The yeahs had it 3-1.
-A party member ended up going back to the wrong hotel. I would laugh but I've done that before.
-I met someone at the bar who knew of my company. I'm sure my drunkass in an ill-fitting tuxedo represented my firm well.
-PDiddy felt like we weren't drinking fast enough at the hotel, so decided to chug my and MW's manhattans. This would prove to be his downfall.
-Upset by the "green" (read: cost-cutting) initiatives of the hotel, we decided to leave every light and the tv on. This was true while sleeping, although not completely by design.
-The running joke between PDiddy and me the whole weekend was that some of the speeches were so ridiculously sappy it was like being stuck in a pine forest. This naturally led to syrup jokes, Aunt Jemima on the mic, being hungry for waffles, etc. Anything to keep sane through that.
-As the lovely couple was heading to their room, I believe I said "tear that ass apart." I hope the bride didn't hear me, ha. I am quite the gentleman.
-While out on the streets of downtown Pittsburgh at 230am, a random person comes out of nowhere says "Do you guys want to hear a story about something?" PDiddy immediately replies "NO" to which the guy responds with "yeah... well... FUCK YOU GUYZ FUCK YOU" as he walks away
-We took a vote at 2am to decide whether to continue to go out or head in, which consisted of covering our eyes and putting up one finger for no and two for yes. This is an extremely hare-brained voting method, obviously, but it seemed logical at the time. The yeahs had it 3-1.
-A party member ended up going back to the wrong hotel. I would laugh but I've done that before.
-I met someone at the bar who knew of my company. I'm sure my drunkass in an ill-fitting tuxedo represented my firm well.
-PDiddy felt like we weren't drinking fast enough at the hotel, so decided to chug my and MW's manhattans. This would prove to be his downfall.
-Upset by the "green" (read: cost-cutting) initiatives of the hotel, we decided to leave every light and the tv on. This was true while sleeping, although not completely by design.
-The running joke between PDiddy and me the whole weekend was that some of the speeches were so ridiculously sappy it was like being stuck in a pine forest. This naturally led to syrup jokes, Aunt Jemima on the mic, being hungry for waffles, etc. Anything to keep sane through that.
-As the lovely couple was heading to their room, I believe I said "tear that ass apart." I hope the bride didn't hear me, ha. I am quite the gentleman.
6.4.10
Resume
I updated my resume, which reads verbatim as follows (name replaced, of course):
______________________________________________
Jay D. Dizzle
1234 N Main Road
Chicago, IL 60699
P: 555-234-5678 E: jdizzle@geemail.com
Slangin'
1234 N Main Road
Chicago, IL 60699
P: 555-234-5678 E: jdizzle@geemail.com
Slangin'
______________________________________________
5.4.10
Comcastic
So I had a chat with Comcast regarding some technical issue. I could have made this much more ridiculous than it was, but here are some highlights.
user Justin_ has entered room
analyst Sandra has entered room [If her name is actually Sandra I'll shit.]
Sandra
Hello Justin_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Sandra. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Sandra
Hi Justin! Thank you for taking the time to chat with us today!
Sandra
How are you doing today?
Justin
Poorly. I can't get my comcast online account set up
Sandra
While waiting, please allow me to take this oppurtunity to share with you one of the main features that you can get with Comcast which is our online site, Fancast.com. It offers full television episodes, full-length feature films, trailers and video clips to both Comcast subscribers and non-subscribers.I hope you will enjoy this feature with us. [It's strange that this is a canned message yet has a spelling error ('oppurtunity').]
Justin
I'm sure it's as awesome and works as smoothly as all of your
other products <---sarcasm
Sandra
Thank you for waiting, I appreciate your patience in giving me some time to review the account.
Sandra
It appears on the account that the primary email is xxxxxx@comcast.net
Justin
can I change that to my actual email address? I never received any documentation of how to use or access that email. Not to mention that email address itself
Sandra
Due to the fusion of Comcast.com and Comcast.net, Comcast now requires customers to log-on to their online account using Comcast email address only if they have internet services with Comcast.
Justin
Ok, well that's the sort of red tape I've come to expect. You have not left me disappointed. Now, how do I access this email? I never set it up, so I have no clue what the password is.
Sandra
Let me reset the password for you now.
Justin
KEWL
Justin
Thanks, sweetheart [I've started to call people 'sweetheart' when I feel like being a dick. Or 'chief' if it's a dude]
Sandra
You're very welcome. I hope I was able to help you as much as I can.
As Seen on the Skreetz Pt II
1.4.10
Open Letter
Dear ingrate commenters from the previous post,
FUCK YOU. I SLAVE OVER A HOT FUCKIN KEYBOARD FOR 20 MINUTES A WEEK AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET? NOT COOL BRO. IT'S NOT EASY TO CRACK DUMB JOKES AND COME UP WITH MORONIC SHIT FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL CONSUMPTION.
Sincerely,
J
FUCK YOU. I SLAVE OVER A HOT FUCKIN KEYBOARD FOR 20 MINUTES A WEEK AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET? NOT COOL BRO. IT'S NOT EASY TO CRACK DUMB JOKES AND COME UP WITH MORONIC SHIT FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL CONSUMPTION.
Sincerely,
J
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