Graphiness

I've recently been analyzing the effects of alcohol on me and my personality. I tried to quantify it as best I could so I made this chart. You may need to look at this for a while to comprehend its complexities. Let me 'splain.

• Belligerency - how much noise I talk. This is directly proportional to the number of times I say "stfu."
• Wittiness- How good my jokes are. Personally, I think I'm hilarious after a few drinks, but my mind starts to waiver majorly after that.
• Motor Skills- Ability to walk, accurately slap women's asses, etc.
• Smoothness- I get much more relaxed and sociable after a few. However, things go way downhill once I get past a certain point and I start to say dumb/offensive shit. Note how this moves in line with wittiness. I have a good example of this effect. I was semi-scheming on this girl this weekend. She is this gorgeous girl and things were going great. However, people were shoving booze down my throat and I just got too drunk. Although I'm not too sure, I think that things went majorly downhill at the end of the night. I might've even fucked up the entire situation. It wouldn't have been a problem if she was as drunk as me. But she wasn't. Ugh!
• Apparent Drunkenness- This is how drunk I seem. I'm the kind of person where can hold I hold it together for a while and it's hard to tell how bad I am. However, past a certain point I fade badly. E.g., I start to dance.
• Next day memory- How well I remember the night before. You know a night is bad when you wake up the next day and start to remember the night in pieces. E.g., you see a flower and remember how you smashed a flower pot over a fetus' dome.

So after analyzing this the rational conclusion is that I should limit myself to 5 or so drinks when I am at the pinnacle of awesomeness. However, I'm not sure if that would be as fun. And I would not end up in the same ridiculous situations. There are other variables in play here, but I didn't/couldn't include them in my graph. Also, the ratings are quite arbitrary and are meant to show movement after number of drinks. That is all.